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“What?” Mom asks again, flipping through all the letters.
“Look what you’ve done, Trevor!” I cry out. “You’ve given her false hope!”
“Ava, I swear to God,” Trevor grinds out. “If you miss these deadlines—”
“You’re going,” Mom says, her tone flat.
“What?” I huff. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Her gaze lifts, locks on mine. Resolute. “You’re going, Ava.”
I suck in a breath. Hold it. My teeth clenched. “I’m not leaving you.”
“Yes, you are!” she shouts, slamming her hand on the table.
I glare at Trevor. “See what you’ve done!”
Trevor shakes his head, outrage flaming his eyes. “Your bratty ass is going to college.”
I stand frozen, my fists balled at my sides. I look between them, rage building inside me, surrendering in the form of heated tears. “How the hell am I supposed to go!” I cry. “Under no circumstances, in this life, is it possible for me to leave. None!”
“Goddammit! I don’t know how else to get this through your stubborn little head!” Mom yells. “I don’t want you here! I don’t want to be here!”
“Stop it!” I beg, pressing my palms to my ears. My heart aches, drops to the knot tightening in my stomach.
“I gave you an out!” Mom bellows.
I fold in on myself, weak.
“You shouldn’t have fucking saved me, Ava!”
I can’t breathe.
“You should’ve let me die like I wanted!”
“STOP IT!” I scream, my throat scratching with the force. I can feel the physical cracking of my heart… right before its collapse.
“Ava,” Trevor whispers, his arms going around me.
I fight against his hold and break free, pushing him out of the way. Then I run outside. I need to fill my lungs with air. Because I feel like I’m drowning. Like I’ve been underwater for almost three years, and I can’t—I can’t take a breath that isn’t liquified heartache or hope, and I’m done.
I’m so fucking done.
CONNOR
Dad works a double shift during Christmas because money. And not the “cool” version of money. But real-life paper money to make up for what we spent on the invitational I attended. Rhys invited me to spend the day at his house, and when I mentioned I didn’t want to intrude on his family time, he laughed, said that Christmas at his house was the biggest blowout of the year and that most of the team attend after their own Christmas dinners. So, I go. Because really? What else am I going to do? Dad and his work partner, Tony, were invited, too. They came, ate the smorgasbord of food that was offered, but had to leave soon after. Emergencies stop for no one, apparently.
Now it’s dark out, and the team plus Karen are hanging in Rhys’s room while the grown-ups have a giant orgy downstairs. Not really. But that’s the story Mitch keeps telling. “If I were down there, I’d choose Karen’s mom,” he says.
Karen scoffs. “She’d turn you down faster than Connor turned me down.”
“Burn,” Rhys laughs.
I turn to Karen, narrow my eyes.
“What?” She giggles. “It’s true!”
Things with Karen and me were weird for a hot minute. Then she called me a fuckboy, whatever that means, and told me my jump shot was weak. We’ve been fine ever since.
