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Ava laughs… a sound so pure, even if it ends with another cry.
“And you jumped into her arms, and she held you, swung you around as if you weighed nothing. God, I was so jealous of that genuine love she has for you. And then she brought out this mutt of a dog she found at the pound… so old and raggedy and blind in both eyes, and you fell to your knees and you loved that ugly-ass dog as much as your mom loved watching you with him.”
Ava’s shoulders shake, this time from laughter.
“And your bedroom balcony,” Karen continues, nudging Ava’s side. “Remember how you and I used to stand out there and pretend like we were performing for a crowd of millions? We’d bust out the High School Musical soundtrack as if we could fucking sing, and we truly believed that Troy Bolton was going to somehow climb up there and declare his undying love for us.”
I ask, “Who’s Troy Bolton?”
“Shut up, Connor,” Karen snaps, and Ava giggles, her head down.
“But my favorite memory of all is that tire swing in your backyard.”
Ava glances up at her, wordless and breathless.
Karen stares at the house like Ava did only moments ago: gaze distant, mind lost. “I’d just turned fourteen, and I needed to talk to you, but you weren’t there. Trevor had taken you out for the day, just you and him. And when your mom told me, I said that I’d wait for you, and I sat in that tire swing. I was probably there for five minutes before your mom came out and told me that she was no Ava, but she’d listen if I wanted to talk. So, I did. I told her about my mom’s boyfriend at the time. About how he was creeping on me and touching me.” Karen’s voice cracks. She clears her throat, sits higher and adds, “Your mom asked if I’d told my mom, and I had, but she didn’t believe me. So, your mom—she said she’d take care of it… That guy was gone the next day. Just packed up his bags and left. Never heard from him again. God, your mom was my hero. She’s always been my hero, Ava. She was like a mother to me when I didn’t have one.” Karen sighs. “And I think that’s why I took it so hard—what happened to her. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you the way you needed me. I’m sorry I stopped coming around, and I know it’s so fucking selfish, but… she was such a strong, powerful force in my life and to see her—” Karen breaks off on a sob, rubbing her eyes. “Seeing her like that killed me, A. And I just couldn’t. I don’t have your strength. And I’m sorry.”
Ava’s silent. No verbal response. But she takes Karen’s hand in hers. A peace offering.
Behind us, a throat clears. Rhys makes his way around us, saying, “Well, you know what my favorite memory of that house is?”
Ava looks up at him.
“My favorite memory is standing at my window watching you try on bikinis in your bedroom.”
“Oh, my God,” Ava whispers, shaking her head.
Rhys smirks. “Little boobies out like what.”
“Shut up!” Ava kicks his foot.
I say, “I’m about to punch you.”
“He’s not worth it,” Ava says, turning to me. After a heavy sigh, she asks, “Will you take me home?”
“I’ll take you wherever you want.”
AVA
Trevor’s sitting on our porch when Karen pulls up to the curb. I say goodbye to Rhys and Karen in the front seat and wait for Connor to get out first. “I’ll see you later, okay?” I ask him.
He nods. “Whenever you need me.”
I hug him quickly, then start up my driveway. Trevor stands when I get close. “Jesus, Ava, I’ve been so worried.”
I fall into his open arms, his wide chest rising against me as if it’s the first time he’s been able to breathe. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know,” I tell him. “Me, too.”
I release him and sit on the porch steps, waiting for him to join me before saying, “Trevor, I’m not going to college. At least not yet.”
“Okay,” he breathes out.
“I feel like all we do lately is fight. You against me. Me against Mom.” I push down the knot in my throat. “I don’t want you to ever feel like I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for us. Believe me, I carry so much guilt—”
“Ava,” he cuts in, but I don’t let him speak, because I need to say what’s on my mind.
“I know you miss your old life and your independence, and I don’t blame you.” I blow out a breath. “I just need to get through the rest of the school year, and I’m going to find a way to fix everything. I promise. But first, I need to fix myself. Because I’ve been miserable, Trevor, and I just… I want to be happy again.”
