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Her head tilts to look up at me. “But we never…”
“You’ll always be my first love, Ava. Everything else is insignificant.”
She draws in a long, staggered breath, her eyes on mine. Moments pass and unspoken words have never been so loud, so clear. “Connor,” she whispers.
“I know,” I respond. And I do know. I know that the mistakes we’ve made are in the past and that our love is bigger than that. But our love isn’t bigger than life. And that life… that life is too hard for her right now, and I have to understand that. To accept it. I break our stare and take another sip of the hot chocolate.
“Hey,” she says. “Didn’t you want to tell me something?”
Right.
I wanted to tell her that she was my end game. That everything I’d done to get myself here was for her. Her and her mom. But I look at her now, and I see the clarity in her eyes. See the way she loves me without being in love with me, and even though it causes my heart to ache in ways I never thought possible, I don’t want to lose it. Or ruin it. I don’t want to let her go. “It was just about that multimedia project. I assume we’re going to go with some morbid murder?”
“Is there anything more fascinating?” she mumbles, settling her head on my arm again.
The front door opens, and Ava growls. “What now?”
I chuckle.
Trevor pokes his head out. “Two words. Texas. Barbecue.”
“Get lost,” she laughs out.
Trevor closes the door.
“Texas barbecue is pretty dope,” I murmur.
“I know, right? It’s the first point on my pros and cons list.”
“You have a list?”
“Yep.”
“What else is on the list?”
“Peter Parker will be there for the next four years earning his master’s.”
My stomach twists. “Is that a pro or con?”
A heavy sigh. “I haven’t decided.” Then she sits up, narrows her gaze on the mug I’m holding. “You sure are taking your time with that.”
I grimace. “I have a confession.”
“What’s that?”
“I hate chocolate.”
THIRTEEN
ava
Connor: Thank you. I think I missed your balloons the most.
Ava: lol. Trevor just saw the message and he thought you were talking about my tits. He wants to kill you now.
Connor: Oh, yay! Can’t wait to see him again.
Ava: You’re welcome about the balloon. Have a good game. :)
