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I tried to reach for it, but my belt was on tight.
So tight.
So hot.
That’s when the tears came.
I remember the way the belt cut into me when I kept reaching for the car, over and over.
I squirmed.
I screamed.
I remember how my tears felt on the palms of my hands. Warm and wet.
I remember the marks those tears left on the windows. Handprints dragged down in desperation.
I remember the pain in my chest, the ache in my throat from crying her name, over and over.
Mama! Mama! Mama!
I remember the heat.
God, I remember the heat.
Like a fire burning inside me.
I remember the thickness of the air in my throat.
The sweat in my eyes.
And I remember the exact moment my body started to shut down.
To give in.
Give up.
I remember the heaviness of my eyelids.
The weakness in my limbs.
The anguish.
The despair.
I remember those last moments.
The world as a blur.
Right before it was coated in darkness.
I’m in a daze when I come to, eyes wet and weary as I watch the ball bounce away from me and into Ava’s arms. Fuck. I’d forgotten where I was, and worse? I’d forgotten who I was with.
I fold in on myself, exhausted, every muscle in my body screaming for reprieve.
But I’m not ready.
Not yet.
