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I pick at the blanket covering my thighs and stare at the wall opposite me, trying to find the courage, the words… “It’s about what happened to you.”
A loud sigh from his end. “Yeah, I figured. I mean, I hoped it wasn’t that, but here we are.”
“Do you not like talking about it?” I ask.
“It’s not that I don’t like it, so much as… it’s not really something I’ve shared with anyone besides professionals, you know?”
“Wait. I’m the first real person you’ve told?”
“Well, yeah. I guess.”
“But why—”
“I don’t know, Ava,” he says through an exhale. “It just kind of came out in frustration.”
“Because I pushed you?”
“A little.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Moments pass, neither of us saying a word. I listen to him breathe, and I wonder if he’s doing the same.
Finally, he says, “I don’t know what happened to her if that’s what you’re wondering.”
It was exactly what I was wondering.
He adds, “There was no evidence she got on a plane, at least under her name. And there’s been no evidence of her existence since.”
“Do you—” I start, my voice cracking with emotion. “Do you remember when you stopped looking for her?”
“It happened when I was three. The last time my dad ever mentioned anything about it, I was in third grade. That was probably when we stopped looking. But looking and hoping are two very different things.”
I want to ask him when he stopped hoping, but I’m almost afraid of the answer. I get through each day searching for hope, so the idea of losing it the way he has…
“Connor?” I whisper.
“Yeah?”
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For so many things. But mainly… I’m sorry about what happened to you. About how it happened, and what that must’ve felt like. I think, as kids, all we truly need are our parents, and your mom—I think I feel the sorriest for your mom... because she missed out on you.”
SIXTEEN
ava
“Where the hell is my wallet?” Trevor’s walking around the house as if we have all the time in the world.
“Did you check your pants pocket from the last time you remember having it?” Krystal offers.
“I don’t even know when I had it last!” he grumbles.
I put my hand on the doorknob, twist. “Hurry up!”
