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"Where are we going?"
I couldn't tell if she was annoyed, but as she turned around and started walking backward, she gave me a small smile. "Just come with me."
The downhill single lane road curved out of the quaint downtown and weaved past a modest playground. There wasn't even a sidewalk, but I followed Olive, walking in a single file as we hugged the tree line off the street and hooked a left onto a dead end, a peninsula surrounded on three side by the Atlantic.
Olive approached a cottage at the end of the street. It had a For Sale sign out front, but she bypassed it, crossing the driveway and opening a gate at the side of the house.
"Are you squatting in a house?" My attempt at a joke resulted in her rolling her eyes.
"They rented me the guest suite out back. At a discount, if I keep an eye on the main house." She glanced back at me. "But maybe I'm just being cheap...since you know...you gave me fifty grand, and it's not like I really need to get discounts."
I didn't know how to respond to that, so I stayed silent as she led me to the dock and opened the sliding doors, leading into a quaint in-law guest suite.
She avoided my gaze, pursing her lips as she crossed her arms."How's Claire?"
Where would I start? I wanted to tell her everything. That I'd taught Claire how to ride a bike. That I read her stories at night. That in one month of being a single dad, I'd experienced enough stress and worries and concern that I had no fucking idea how she'd done this for an entire ten years.
"She's great, Olive. She's such a good kid."
She licked her lips and gave a sad smile. "I'm glad she has you and Adam."
I stepped toward her, wanting so badly just to hold her. "Olive, she has you too. She will always have you. That's why I'm here. You are her mother. And she needs you back in her life...I need you back in our life. And not just for her. For me too. I fucked up."
Olive shook her head. "Why do you keep saying that?"
"Saying what?"
She threw up her hands. "That you fucked up. How did you fuck up? I'm the one who was being selfish. Who was willing to take Claire away from you, just like I took her away from Adam. I was going to do the same fucking shit that I always do. I was going to run when it got hard, and I didn't want to do it anymore." Her lips trembled, tears pooling in her eyes. "Not withher. Claire didn't deserve that."
I couldn't stop myself anymore. Closing the space between us, I gripped her hands. "Olive, you don't deserve this either. There's nothing to run away from. Not anymore. Even if there is nothing romantic left between us, I will always be in your life and Claire's life. And you will always have Adam."
She started to cry, tears streaming down her face.
"And to answer your question, I fucked up because I didn't fight for you. I set you up for the only path you expected. I said I loved you, but I didn't show you how I loved you. I wasn't honest with you. I didn't tell you the truth. I didn't give you a chance to have a say in what I did. Instead, I sprung everything on you...and you're right, I was testing you. But that was so fucked up of me. I didn't even realize it until you said it, and then by the time it hit me, it was too late, and you were gone.
I took a deep breath to steady myself.
"I've spent my whole life feeling like women, friends, business partners—literally everyone—were just trying to take advantage of me because of my money. And I guess apart of me just feared that you were the same. And so, instead of talking to you, instead of trying to incorporate you in any of this, I acted out of fear. I tested you, but it wasn't even a fair test. It was manipulative. It was giving you only one option, the one you expected to happen.
"Instead, I should’ve told you that I was on your side, that I had your back, and showed you that I loved you. Because I do love you, Olive. I loved you when we were in college, and I never stopped loving you. And when I saw you outside that restaurant, it was like all those feelings came rushing back. But this love was deeper. And it's still here. If you don't feel the same, I'll never question your feelings again. But I will never forgive myself if I don't tell you the truth, if I don't apologize, if I don’t make it clear how I feel about you and give you a real choice.
"Not because I'm testing you. But because I love you, Olive."
She was silent for a long time, and it might have been the most terrifying moment of my life, trying to read the thoughts behind her expression. Of course, I went straight to the worst. That there would never be a future for us.
I would pick myself up, of course, but I would never stop thinking what I could have done differently—if I could have done something differently.
Finally, she took a deep breath and lifted her eyes to meet mine. She squeezed my hand, and I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "Lucas, you said something the night of the press conference that has stuck with me. You said that you knew I felt safe with you, and that's why I stayed. I have felt guilty about that every day since."
"Why?"
"Quinn did tell me that I was safe with you, but I've had more than enough time to think, being out here alone, and I have to tell you...I was in denial, Lucas. It's true—I felt safe with you. But not just because of what I was hiding. It was because of you. Because I loved you. And I still love you, Lucas."
My voice caught in my throat. If I never expressed my worries now, I'd always wonder. "Please don't say that to me just because I said it to you."
"I'm not," she smiled. "The day you said it to me in your bedroom, I felt it with every fiber of my being. But I was so fucking terrified."
"No!" I couldn't stand even this small distance between us. So I weaved my arms around her waist, pulling her against me. "Of what?"
