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Stupid London, a voice at the back of my mind whispered.Falling for another man who doesn’t think you’re good enough.
But that wasn’t fair, was it? If I’d read too much into things, that was on me. I’d been so excited to think I’d finally found someone who liked and believed in all of me that I’d gotten carried away.
“Oh, dear.” Tracey made a sound of distress, finally seeming to notice the tension between us. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No,” I hastened to assure her. “It’s fine.” I got to my feet and took a step toward the door. “I, um, have to—”
I never finished the sentence because my heel caught the edge of a mat and I tripped. The only reason I didn’t hit the floor was that Cal lunged up and rescued me before I could. I gulped, my throat thick with emotion, and resisted the urge to gaze into the comforting brown depths of his eyes.
“London,” he rasped, helping to steady me. “I promise we’ll talk about this later, okay?”
I nodded violently, frustrated with myself for reacting so strongly. My insides were topsy turvy and I couldn’t seem to calm down. Every self-doubting thought I’d ever had—and every unkind word people had ever tossed at me—were swirling through my mind.
You’re clumsy.
You’re gawky.
You’re a disaster waiting to happen.
Hot mess.
Failure.
I steeled my spine and let out a shaky breath. “I’d better get back. The first dogs will be arriving tomorrow. I need to make sure everything is ready.”
That was what mattered most. My shelter. The dream I’d been working so hard to get off the ground.
“Please don’t leave,” Tracey protested. “I’m sorry for whatever I said to upset you.”
Now that the idea of going had lodged itself in my mind, it wouldn’t let go.
“I really do need to double check that we’re ready,” I told her and Cal apologetically.
Cal touched my chin and raised it until we were looking each other in the eye. “Wewilltalk,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Then he brushed a kiss over my cheek, and I hurried out, managing not to trip over anything in the process.
9
CAL
“I’m so sorry,”Mum said when we were alone. “I didn’t mean to misstep. I should have thought more carefully before spoke.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I told her. “It’s just that this was our first date. If we’d been on a couple more, I’d probably have opened up to her about the past already and it wouldn’t have been an issue.” Although, honestly, I couldn’t think of a good way to tell someone that you’d previously avoided dating people like them. That seemed like the kind of thing that was needlessly hurtful, and that you’d be best off keeping to yourself, but I guessed taking that road wasn’t an option now.
I sat on the armchair and sighed. Hopefully London hadn’t been put off by having so much of my baggage thrown at her at once.
“When you’ve gotten to know her better, you should bring her around for dinner,” Mum said. “She seems like a nice girl.”
“You’re assuming I’m going to get more dates with her,” I pointed out.
“You will.” She sounded certain of it. “You might not have seen the way she was looking at you, but I did. She’s smitten.”
“I hope you’re right.” Before the date had gone sideways, I’d been having a great time. London was good company. She’d made me laugh and feel lighter than I had in ages. And sure, perhaps I’d had to take precautions to make sure she didn’t hurt herself, and perhaps she was pathologically incapable of being on time, but it didn’t feel tiresome or inconvenient. In fact, Ilikedthe idea of taking care of her. It sure didn’t seem like anyone else in her life had done enough of that. Being with her wouldn’t be like growing up with my mother had been. Back then, I’d been forced to behave like the adult in the relationship whenever she’d gone on a bender, but London didn’t need me to do that. She’d be fine without my help. I simply liked the thought of making her life easier.
“I am.” We were quiet for a few moments, and then Mum added, “If I’d known this was your first date, I would have been more careful about what I said.”
I bit the inside of my lip. I knew what she was getting at. While she and I had a civil relationship, we weren’t particularly close. She’d been trying to make amends for three years, and I’d been constantly holding her back while I waited for the other shoe to drop. That wasn’t fair to either of us.
