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I nearly snorted in amusement at the thought. But instead, I returned my attention to Mom. Someone had to talk some sense into her, after all.
“Are you sure though, Mom? Really?” I tried to keep the horror out of my voice, but I didn’t entirely succeed.
She nodded and gestured toward Agatha with the urn. “I didn’t even consider that I could still have your father with me before speaking to Agatha. She’s truly opened up a world of possibility.”
Agatha nodded, her wide smile benevolent. “The dead are never truly gone, dear. They remain with us here.” She tapped her head and her heart before indicating the dildo. “And they can remain with us elsewhere, too.”
“Mom.” I didn’t hide my shock this time, and her name was little more than an audible gasp.
I squirmed uncomfortably. This conversation was almost as bad as anything that forced me to consider where I’d come from in the first place, and that was something no one liked to think about. Parents were decidedly asexual. In fact, they didn’t even know what sex was.
Yet, here was my mother holding a glass dildo and having a conversation even the most determined internal humming couldn’t drown out.
“So, it’s as simple as it looks,” Agatha said. “We’d just reserve some of Joseph’s ashes for the urn and provide you with the rest to scatter or keep elsewhere.”
“I like the idea of still having him with me.” Mom stroked her hand over the smooth glass, the motion far too sexual for anywhere in public at this time of day. Especially given our location and reason for being here.
“Mother.” I forced the quiet word through gritted teeth.
“Oh, Josephine. There’s no need for disapproval. We’re all adults here, and Agatha has shown me a way to remain connected with your dad, to continue to share the most intimate moments with him. Isn’t that what every widow would wish for?” Her admonishment was gentle but firm.
Agatha nodded, each strand of her hair in agreement with her next words. “Amelia is right. The opportunity to keep our loved ones close should always be seized. It’s an enormous gift.”
“I just think…” I trailed into silence before trying again. “Maybe you should…”
“Enormous” was right. I tore my gaze from the urn. I needed to think of it only as an urn. Too much else sent my mind wandering into areas I never wanted to deal with.
My mom and Agatha were apparently fast friends, although I wasn’t sure they’d even been properly introduced before this morning. Everyone in the city knew Agatha by reputation, of course, and most likely, Agatha was aware of Mom. That is, if she was a reader of the society pages, which Mom managed to sneak into with surprising regularity. But I wouldn’t have expected them to have bonded over something quite so…explicit.
“This is a place of no judgement.” Mom’s tone bordered on sharp now, but then she glanced at Agatha and seemed to borrow some of her calmness. “Right, Agatha?”
“Yes, dear.” Agatha nodded, completely nonplussed, her expression serene as if we were merely discussing the weather. “Everyone grieves differently, and some people prefer to keep their loved ones close. Embrace the process. It’s really all you can do.” She put her hand over Mom’s and squeezed, gently and briefly.
“Josephine,” Mom said, turning to me and using my full name again for emphasis — she always did that when she had a point to make. “I have loved your father for many years. He has loved me the same. If I can continue to love him after death, and he me, there’s no shame in that.”
“Okay.” I nodded. It was weird, but I couldn’t exactly tell her it was weird in those words. There was just no point in arguing with her…with both of these ladies right now. I’d be wasting my breath.
“What I’m going to do,” she continued, “is get this.” She held the dildo out again. As if I needed a closer look.
Idid notrequire a closer look.
“And maybe I’ll also take some of the ashes on a trip I plan to go on as soon as the funeral and business matters are settled.” She finished with a raised eyebrow in my direction. “I don’t think your dad will mind being in different locations.” She smiled. “In fact, I think he’d quite like that.”
I didn’t want to address the business reference, so instead I focused on the trip. “You’re still planning to take the cruises and trips without Dad?”
She nodded.
“Two years away is a long time, Mom.” That had been their original dream trip, anyway. Surely, she couldn’t even think of that now?
She shrugged as she looked into the dildo like it was a crystal ball. “Oh, it’s all subject to some change, but either way, I’ll be back eventually. But now that you’re here to tend to the business, there’s not a lot else I need to do. And I can’t exactly attend all of the galas and balls like some sort of dowager Gold Moon Inc. owner.”
“I’m not sure that’s why I’m back, though, to take over the business and run it forever.”
She looked up with a firm stare. “You know it’s what your father wanted.”
Agatha stood and moved away from the sofa, busying herself by sorting some wildflowers in an oversized vase on the other side of the room. She lifted one out and sniffed it delicately before replacing it.
“But I work at Rosary, you know that.” I was referencing the bookkeeping service I worked for like she might have forgotten, even though it had always been the only bone of contention between my father and me.
