AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I fist my hands harder and try to come up with some words, any acceptable words would do right now, but he speaks first. “What are you doing here, Echo?”
“I came to see you,” I blurt out, unable to come up with anything else but the truth.
His face doesn’t betray any emotion as he murmurs, “What about The Horny Bard?”
My cheeks are burning. “That too.”
It’s okay though.
It’s okay if he knows the level of my desperation. If he knows that I’ve been stalking him.
Wanting to see him, talk to him.
Let him see my love for him.
If it fixes things, then I don’t want my dignity.
He stares at me for a few beats. Then, “What do you want?”
You.
I want you.
It’s very hard not to say that.
Very hard not to spill my guts and tell him all about my intentions.
But even though I’m okay with him knowing that I’m his stalker, I also can’t start declaring my undying love for him after two long years.
So I go with something neutral but important. “I heard about your dad. I’m sorry. I don’t… I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now.”
He stiffens for a moment or two.
But then recovers and shrugs. “It is what it is.”
“I know your dad…” I shake my head, frowning. “He wasn’t… good. To you. And I know this must be difficult for you to process and I wish… I… I’m just so sorry, Lucas. I’m —”
"Is that all?”
His dismissive tone throws me.
For a second or two, I can’t come up with anything else to say.
But then I take a deep breath and forge ahead. “I… I wanted to apologize.”
He stiffens again.
Way more than he did when I’d mentioned his father.
But then whose fault is that?
So for the umpteenth time tonight, I stand my ground and begin, “I know it sounds… It sounds ridiculous. So insufficient and small, me apologizing for something so big but… I’m such a lover of words, you know that, right? I’m such a big logophile. I’m always rattling off synonyms and jotting down new words in my diary, but I don’t have any other word right now except sorry. For everything that I did. You were the last person I ever wanted to hurt, and I know people say this a lot and I can’t believe I’m one of those people now but it’s the truth.
“You were everything to me, Lucas, and I loved you. And I never thought, never evendreamed, that I could ever hurt you. But I did and for that, I will never be able to forgive myself. And you don’t have to either. I’m not saying sorry for that. I’m saying sorry because you deserve that. From me. You deserve a lot of things from me and an apology is the least of it. You deserve to know that I regret it. I regret everything I did that night. Every single thing. And I live with it every day. I live with my regret. And I wish it could change things but it doesn’t. And maybe my regret is meaningless to you but I… I couldn’t go on without you knowing. Without taking a shot that maybe itdoesmake things a little better for you. God, I hope it does. So I’m sorry, Lucas. For everything.”
I wish I had more words.
Or at least better words than the ones I gave him.
