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But is he?
I know Reign thinks that. I know Lucas loved me and he was a good boyfriend to me. I know my parents loved him as well.
I also know that if Reign hadn’t pushed me toward him, I never would’ve gone for Lucas.
Iknowthat now.
I was crazy about Reign. Crazy to the point of destruction.Crazyto the point where I would’ve stood up against the whole world for him. I would’ve stood up against my parents for him.
And he would’ve broken my heart anyway.
Because that’s who he is, isn’t he?
I’ve seen him. He goes from girl to girl just like that. And yes, he hasn’t been with anyone in two years, that doesn’t change the fact that he’ll one day go back to being the playboy that he used to be.
And that’s why Reign is the wrong choice for me.
I would’ve given him my heart and he would’ve broken it into a million pieces.
But that’s not important.
What would have happened has nothing to do with whatdidhappen.
I did fall in love with his best friend. I did choose him and now he’s ready to forgive my betrayal.
He’s ready to give me another chance.
And I’ve decided to take it.
“I’ve decided to cut ties with you,” I tell Reign. “If that is what Lucas needs then I’m going to give it to him.”
Finally I see a movement on his frame.
A pulse on his jaw. A flicker in his eyelid. His limp hands forming fists.
“But I need to move on first,” I continue. “From you.”
More pulses. More flickers.
His fists tightening even more.
“I need to go to Lucas with a pure heart. I can’t… I can’t go to him with you in my heart too. My crush should’ve ended but it didn’t. And I feel so guilty about that. So guilty for wanting you. So guilty that we have this connection. This crazy…chemistry. We’re so in tune with each other. We…
“I know you feel guilty too. For everything. Which means we both need to move on. We both need to clear our consciences. We both need to end it. I want you out of my system and I need to get out of yours. I can’t live with this pain, this guilt, this crush that I have on you, and I’m not going to let you live with it either.”
Exactly.
Ending this is the only way forward.
It’s the only way he can be free. I could force him not to hurt himself. I could explain things to him, but nothing would cure his guilt except purging it out of his system.
And the same holds true for me as well.
I can’t be a good girlfriend to Lucas — the kind he deserves; the kind who doesn’t make him wait like I did — unless I purge his ex-best friend out of my system.
I open and close my fists and before I can lose my courage, I raise my very jittery hands and untie the ribbons that are holding my pink dress up. One flick of my hand each and my dress comes undone, falling with a soft rustle and a rush of air, pooling around my feet.
Leaving me all naked.
