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Because I don’t.
I do not love Lucas. I’m going back to him for his ex-best friend — and a variety of other reasons — but not for him.
No, no, no.
That’s not true, right?
It can’t be true.
It can’t…
I do love Lucas. Ido…
Standing here, in the dark woods, with a party raging on only a short distance away, I pant.
I pant and pant and feel dizzy.
How have I never realized this before?
Every single action in my relationship with Lucas was an equal and opposite reaction to his ex-best friend.
My love for Lucas was born out of my hate forhim.
It was born out of how muchhemade me feel.
It was born out ofourconnection. The crush that I’d buried deep inside of me and wanted to kill.
There’s no killing it.
It’s in my soul now. It’s always been there and it always will be.
It will…
I jump when I feel a grip on my arm and I’m spun around, only to stare at the familiar eyes.
Reddish-brown and glinting.
A familiar face, sharp and bruised from his fights, and beautiful.
My Bandit.
“Reign,” I breathe out.
The canopy of trees covers us in darkness but as always, I can still see when his nostrils flare. I can still see when he works his jaw back and forth, breathing loudly and noisily.
With a hint of a growl.
My own breaths are noisy as well.
But oh my God, they’re also easy and peaceful.
So much easier and more peaceful than they’ve been ever since he dropped me off at Jupiter’s last night.
“What —”
He spins around then, cutting me off, and starts to walk. He starts to drag me behind him, taking me somewhere. And so just like that, out of the blue, I’m being pulled away from the party, from the boy that I loved, or thought I did.
And Jesus Christ, the relief is so big.
