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He makes a face like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. “What?”
“Don’t lie to me. I know what you did.”
He stares at me a beat, still looking clueless but then speaks. “I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about and I’ve got no interest in finding out. Because we have more important matters to discuss, don’t you think? Now answer the fucking question.”
“No.” I clench my teeth. “Because as I said, it’s a bullshit question. Especially coming from you.Especiallywhen I’d never, not ever, do anything to hurt Lucas.”
As soon as I say it, I realize that I shouldn’t have.
I shouldn’t have said that last part because it’s not true, is it?
I did do something to hurt him.
I refused to give him what he asked for.
I ran away.
“But then you did, didn’t you?” he says, digging his fingers into my wrist.
His words make my eyes sting. “Evan is a guy I tutor. Like I did with Lucas. I meet up with him at the library three times a week so we can go over his assignments and class work. There’s nothing…”
I shake my head, breathing in deeply. “I wouldn’t do that. To Lucas. I love him. I love him more than I could ever imagine loving someone. And yes, this last year has been hard. I miss him so much it hurts. It makes me ache. But not once, not for a single moment, did I think about going behind his back. I-I could never… I’m not like that. But apparently, I am because… Because look what I did. Tonight. Instead of appreciating that he left everything and drove down just to surprise me, I broke his heart. And I don’t even know how to make it right because I… I felt so suffocated.”
“What?”
A tear drops down my cheeks and his frown is so big and thick that I could settle my thumb in that groove. “You’ve always hated me, since the beginning. Because of who I am, who my parents are, how I don’t fit into your sparkly and lavish lifestyle. How Lucas could do so much better than me, a servant girl. And you know what, you’re right. You’re absolutely right. Because when he asked me to make a commitment to him, I felt suffocated.”
There. It’s out there.
I told him.
My secret.
And what an odd choice for a confidant.
The guy who’s always hated me.
But now that I have said it out loud, I can’t stop. “I felt trapped. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. Like I couldn’t breathe, and how stupid is that, right? How crazy and insane to feel that way. When I love him so much. When he’s the most amazing guy I’ve ever met. So loyal and loving and God, I know how lucky I am. I know that. All my girlfriends at school tell me. They tell me that Lucas is the best because their boyfriends are all so selfish and inconsiderate and disloyal and…”
“And what?” he prods lowly, roughly.
I blink a couple of times to clear my vision, dislodging a thick drop of tear. “Like you.”
He watches it drip down.
Making its way past my flushed cheeks, the side of my parted mouth, clinging to my jaw for half a second. Before it plops.
Down on his thumb.
I flinch when that happens.
When he catches my tear with the pad of his thick digit.
And I realize that he’s let my wrist go and not only does he catch my tear with the same hand that he was using to grip mine, he’s also wiping the wetness off my cheek with those same fingers.
“Like me,” he rasps.
My heart is beating, drumming, flapping its wings inside my chest as if it were a bird.
