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“We just got here,” girl number one states the obvious.
“And we’ve been really looking forward to this party,” girl number two goes.
“Yeah.” Girl number one bounces, grinning. “Ever since we heard that you guys were coming back.”
Then girl number two steps forward, touching me on the arm. “I know it’s been a while but…” She flutters her long, curled eyelashes. “We were hoping to drive out to the woods and have some fun. Like we did last time.”
Girl number one adds, “And this time we could bring Lucas too.”
“Since he missed out on all the fun the last time around,” girl number two chirps.
“I’m so glad he’s single now,” girl number one keeps going.
“Although I don’t think I ever really understood why him being in a relationship stopped him from going with us in the first place. But it’s okay. We can make up for that this time,” girl number two finishes, still fluttering her eyelashes up at me.
Two things: It not only looks like they’re both from the same school as me and Lucas, but also that I may have fucked them. Quite possibly both at the same time and out in the woods. Which means we must’ve done it in the car. And since I’ve done it a lot in the woods and in my car, I still don’t seem to remember who they are.
And second, I really wanna ask her this. “That work on me last time?”
“What?”
“That.” I tip my chin up to point to her eyes. “Where it looks like your eye is having a seizure.”
She draws back and repeats, “What?”
“It couldn’t have,” I muse. “I’m not that shallow, am I?”
“Excuse me?”
“Well.” I shrug then. “I kinda am. Gimme a fantastic pair of tits in a tight dress and I don’t usually discriminate.” She takes it as a compliment — given that her peeved expression wears off and she’s smiling — and goes to say something but I don’t let her. “But as tight as your dress is tonight, it’s time for you to leave.”
Girl number one goes, “But we —”
“If you don’t want it to get hurled on.”
“What?” girl number two squeaks.
I point a thumb over my shoulder. “Which he’s clearly heading toward. My friend, back there, does not have more than one liver and one pair of kidneys, despite what he seems to think. So I repeat: leave.”
They both frown up at me, still not budging, and I sigh.
“Look,” I begin, pinning them both with my meanest, cruelest look, “it’s not gonna happen. You want a dick to jump up and down on, it’s not gonna be mine. Or his. I don’t even think he’s capable of getting it up at this point and mine doesn’t get up for girls I’ve already fucked once before. So turn around and go back to the party so you can look for another target, okay? Night’s still young and I’m sure someone will fall for your eye-seizure routine.”
The last thing I see before I turn around is their open mouths.
Mission accomplished.
Now onto the next task: my best friend with a death wish.
Completely oblivious to the fact that I just sent his little friends away, he’s throwing darts at the board as he takes long pulls of his beer. Something that I hadn’t noticed he’d brought back with him.
My bad.
It stops now though.
I charge over to him. “It’s time to leave.”
He doesn’t stop throwing — and missing — as he says, “So leave.”
