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Dove
“Dove, where’s Dad?”
I turn, holding the wooden spoon that I’m stirring the soup with, and answer my little brother. “I don’t know, buddy. I’m sure he’ll be home soon.”
The lie rolls right off my tongue. If my father is home by Monday, I’ll be shocked. It’s Friday, which means he’s taking his measly paycheck right to the casino or bar. Never mind that I told him I had a date tonight, or that I needed time to study for an exam on Monday. I stir the soup faster, taking out my frustrations on the vegetables in the pot.
“He was supposed to take me to practice. Coach said if I’m late again…”
I bite back a sigh. It’s not Chip’s fault that our father is an inconsiderate asshole. And god knows I know what it feels like to have people look down on you because of who your father is.
“Let me dress the baby, and then I’ll take you.”
Our little sister, Belle, has been sick and I hate to take her out in the cool night air, especially since she just went down. But the hopeful look in Chip’s eyes sends me into action. I turn off the stove, moving the soup to a cool burner, and then go into the room that I share with my two younger half-siblings. Belle is sleeping, and her cheeks are rosy with fever. She cries when I lift her from the crib, and I hold her close.
“I know, baby. I know.”
Belle looks just like her mother, who left the day she was born. Her hair is brown and so are her eyes, a darker version of my own hair and eyes. Chip has brown hair and eyes, too. Guess our dad has a type. Belle’s mother was looking for a safe place to stay and didn’t count on my father preying upon her. The thought makes me sick, but I know the truth. I saw it with my own two eyes. She was young and went to the shelter that my dad works at as a janitor, but that didn’t stop my creep of a father. When she found out she was pregnant, she moved from the shelter into our house. I tried to be her friend, but she had already shut down at that point. When the nurse told me she was gone hours after having Belle, I wasn’t surprised.
Chip’s mother died when he was two, but he doesn’t remember her. I do. She was mean and liked to talk with her fists. Everyone is better off without her, even if Chip gets sad when he asks why he doesn’t have a mom. But he’s only six, so I try to tell him things about her that make him smile. Even if most of the stories are lies. He shouldn’t have to carry the weight of the person she was. Lord knows our father is going to make it hard enough for him when he gets older.
My own mother is a mystery. My dad likes to say that they were in love, but I find that hard to believe. He said the last he heard that she was alive, but that was years ago. She’s never tried to find me in my twenty-two years on this earth, so she must not be that great of a person. In fact, sometimes I tell others she’s dead, just to avoid the looks of pity. It used to hurt when I was younger, but now she’s just another name on a long list of people who have let me down over the years.
Chip pulls me from my thoughts when he bumps into the door with his bag. “I’m ready.”
“Grab the diaper bag and meet me at the door.”
I don’t dare send him outside. Not in the neighborhood that we live in. There’s a literal brothel a few blocks over. It must be pretty popular, though, because there’s always a line of people waiting to get in. I’ve seen some women—sex workers, I guess—at a nearby diner. They always seem happy as they laugh and joke with each other after their shifts, but it's not something I want to expose my brother to.
Belle is still crying as I put her in a warm onesie and load her into her carrier. She settles a bit when I tuck a fuzzy blanket around her. By the time I reach the door, she’s fast asleep again. It must be nice to be six months old, without a care in the world.
“Let’s go, buddy.”
After making sure the door is locked, I climb down four flights of stairs and only have to step over one man who’s passed out of the steps. Chip laughs at him, saying he looks like our dad. He’s not wrong.
Outside, the air is cool. Even though it’s only October, I feel like winter will be here before we know it, and I’m not looking forward to it for so many reasons. Mainly because my income barely covers the bills. The added cost of heating the apartment means I’ll have to take a second job on top of the one I already have. Plus college. Plus the kids. It’s a lot. Our saving grace is the help that dad gets from the state for being a low-income household.
More like no income, I think bitterly. I can’t remember the last time he actually handed over his paycheck to help with things around the house.
I buckle the kids and climb into the driver’s seat. When I turn the key, nothing happens.
“Shit.”
“You said a bad word, Dove.”
“Sorry, bud. The car won’t stop. Looks like we’re going to have to take the train.”
“Yay. I love the train.”
I calculate how much money I have. If we take the train to his practice, then I can pay for an Uber to take us home. I hate to waste money like that, but by the time we leave the gym, it will be late, and I don’t enjoy taking the kids on the train at night. A shiver works its way up my spine as I remember the last time I rode the train late at night. Two men stood at the front, and I swear it felt like they were watching me. They both had tattoos on the top of their hands. I looked it up later. They were members of the Di Bello Family, and everyone knows the Mafia is bad news.
Lifting Belle’s carrier, I say, “Come on.”
Chip chatters as we walk three blocks to the train station. By the time we reach the platform, my arms ache from holding the carrier and diaper bag. I should look into one of those baby slings that I see people wearing. I bet Belle would like it, too, since she likes being held. Chip asks for my phone while we wait, so I hand it to him. I should text my boyfriend, Kyle, and let him know that I’m probably going to be late for our date. The thought has me frowning, because I already know he’s going to be mad, and I just don’t have it in me to fight with him. Not about this, when there isn’t anything I can do to change the situation.
Instead, I watch Chip. He plays a game while I shift Belle’s carrier from hand to hand. Thankfully, the train is right on time.
