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A promise that after the wedding, he’ll be ripping my dress and fucking me hard. If only he could offer me more.
I try to keep my mind quiet as Nydia and Manelik promise to love and cherish each other. It’s hard to pay attention to those vows when my life is up in the air. Do I want to get married and have a family?
Having a family has always been my dream. More so after Mom died. I guess having children without a husband is better than nothing. Is that settling? No. I have the best part, unconditional love.
My mind stops trying to find solutions to all the questions I have when I hear Lang say, “By the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I declare you husband and wife. You may kiss.”
Manelik dips Nydia, kissing her hard. I can’t hold the tears anymore. This moment is everything for them, and though I’m touched by the love between them, I can’t help but want what they have, even when I know it’ll never happen for me.
After the pictures, it’s time for the reception. I try to focus on enjoying myself but fail miserably. Last night, during the bachelorette party, I snuck out of the hotel in Seattle and bought a few pregnancy tests. They’re burning holes in my purse. I haven’t been able to use them, afraid someone is going to see them.
Anyone in Luna Harbor will make a big deal out of it, and Iskander… well, he might jump in the lake, and we’ll never see him again.
But he has to learn about it.
Maybe, when I know what I’m going to do with my future, I’ll send him a letter telling him I have a child with his dark brown eyes and wicked smile—picture attached. I’ll sign it with something like,Have a nice life, Siobhan and baby.
I won’t even tell him the name of my child. Some might think it’s heartless, but after living all my life with rejections, I don’t want my child to feel that soul-jarring pain.
It’s when I enter the garden that I spot Iskander. He holds two flutes in his hands and has a big smile. My pulse accelerates, and I’m already wet for him. I’m putty in this guy’s presence. How am I going to survive without his touch? Will I expire from the lack of good sex?
“You look beautiful,” he mumbles when we’re face to face. He kisses my earlobe as he hands me one of the flutes.
“You don’t look bad yourself. I thought you’d be wearing a tuxedo like the rest.”
He shrugs one shoulder. “As the brother of the groom, I was expected to show. Nothing more.”
I caress his jaw. “It still doesn’t make sense why he didn’t ask you to be the best man or something.”
Iskander tilts his head toward his brother and friends. Beacon was his best man. Fisher andSanford are the groomsmen.
“They’re closer than Mane and me,” he says casually.
This proves to me that he doesn’t care about family. I’d kill to be a part of the Cantús. Not him, though. If he had a choice, he’d move back to New York and never come back to Luna Harbor. I’ve never asked him who hurt him or why he avoids them.
He gave me a vague explanation about his parents’ shitty marriage. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him if he’s ever tried therapy.
No, seriously. I would understand if he was twelve and carried all those issues. The man is thirty-seven, and he uses his childhood as a way to defend his shitty behavior. I’m sorry, but I know people who had childhood wounds, but by the age of thirty, they got help.
If we had a different relationship, I would tell him that, but I’ve been smart enough to keep my feelings and my heart safe from him.
“There’s that look again,” he whispers, kissing my neck.
“What are you talking about?”
He shrugs.
“Please, enlighten me,” I insist.
“You’re either judging me or giving me a pity look.”
“I chuckle. If we were friends, I would probably be pitying you and suggesting therapy. Since we’re nothing… I just wish you the best.”
His jaw tenses, and his eyes flicker with emotion, but he doesn’t say a word. I’m about to say something when my phone rings. I open my clutch and see it’s Anya. Though I should answer it, I choose to ignore her for today. She’s been avoiding me for months, even longer than her husband. Mitch and I haven’t spoken since she got pregnant. I’m not sure what I did to them, but it’s good to know that I don’t have a support system right before I need it.
Okay, even my internal sarcasm is off today, but can anyone blame me? My life is about to turn upside down, and I don’t have a safety net.
What am I going to do?
