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She winced.
Why hadn’t she told him the truth? That she had all the feelings for him, she just…she wanted to prove that she was good enough. Not just to him, but all of them. What if others judged him poorly for choosing her? They might. They weren’t just facelesstonwhom she knew saw her as less. She thought back to the women at the wedding and then to Countess Wallaby. They’d all seen the truth. She wasn’t one of the peerage, she wasn’t an equal.
And she wanted to be. So much. But she’d set about joining the society as though it were a game and there was a prize to be won. Acceptance. Popularity.
The truth of those words stole the air from her lungs. It was so like her to treat her life like another competition. She wanted to win the prize.
Not just for herself, of course, but still. Had she failed to see the real goal? Was marriage to Ken the true reward? Not only the move that would elevate her family and her sister but the very person who could make her legitimate.
And fulfill her heart. That last bit made her ache with longing, the rest seeming unimportant. Which made her squirm in her seat. The real prize sat next to her and she’d lost sight of that in the most ridiculous way. She could see that now.
Ken stared out the window, quiet and still and seeming to observe.
“Somersworth and Upton are behind us?” Ace asked, flicking the curtain on his side open as well, as he scanned for the carriage behind them.
“They’re there,” Ken answered, his eyes sweeping the crowded street as carriages and horses passed.
His diligence made her heart thud faster. Despite all the questions swirling in her thoughts, she couldn’t help but lean closer, wanting to be near him. Wishing for some reassurance. “Are you concerned?” She heard the catch of fear in her voice and so did he as he turned to her.
His gaze softened as he quietly answered, “Nothing is going to happen to you.”
She searched his face, looking for answers about the danger they faced but also about how he felt about her now. His face was an unreadable mask that left her stomach churning again.
“Ken,” she whispered, but she knew that Ace heard her speak his given name from the way her brother shifted. If this had been a poker game, she was surely showing her hand, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
Instead, she kept her gaze on Ken, looking for…anything.
The easy smile he gave her made the air rush from her lungs. Her hand fluttered up, wishing she could touch him. She wanted to ask him the questions. She wanted to apologize…
The carriage rounded a corner and his gaze swung back out the window, searching again.
Her shoulders slumped, the shifting of his gaze like the loss of an embrace. She felt colder without his warm brown eyes upon her.
Anna’s fingers brushed her shoulder and Mirabelle tore her stare from Ken to turn to her sister.
But she forgot about Ken for a moment as she caught her sister’s clear blue eyes, which were filled with apprehension. Anna’s fingers wove together, her hands clasping in front of her heart. She might look as though she were praying except the knot of her fingers was too tight, her face set in lines of worry. “Is His Grace going to stay at Lord Boxby’s?”
Mirabelle’s eyes narrowed as she stared at her sister. What did Lord Upton have to do with anything? “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
Anna gave a quick nod, her fingers relaxing as her hands dropped to her lap. “All right.”
But Mirabelle continued to watch her sister, wondering why Anna was so interested in the duke.
When the carriage turned, her focus shifted again. The Boxby estate stood before them, wrought iron gates swinging open as the driver called out to the footmen on the back of the carriage.
Her breath fluttered at she took in the size of the home and the magnificence of the stone façade. The meticulous landscape, expertly maintained, was lush and green, looking like a painting rather than an actual place. The glass windows, pristine and sparkling in the late afternoon light, only added to the feeling that this was place was another world.
It was breathtaking and intimidating and more than at any other moment, she felt the divide between them. This was the world she wished to conquer? She’d never felt less able to succeed at anything. She wasn’t even sure she might survive the attempt.
The carriage stopped and her brother exited first, Ken following. His body dipped through the doorway, his feet light and agile as he easily made his way down the steps and then pivoted to aid her out.
The moment her hand fit into his she felt it—the weight of her own foolishness. Ken could have any woman he wished, and he’d asked her about marriage. She’d not even had the decency…
That bubble of worry rose in her chest again as their eyes met. She’d be luckiest woman alive to spend her life basking in the feel of his liquid brown gaze.
As he helped her down the stairs and then let her fingers go, she knew she needed to speak with him privately. Would there be any repairing the situation? She wasn’t certain.
Her chest tightened in worry. She’d been such a fool and she now understood she’d already had the largest prize of all within her grasp and she’d foolishly looked the other way. Was it too late to win him back?
