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My heart broke for him. Why did I think Santino would get over his mom’s gruesome death so easily? Of course, he hadn’t. I cupped his face and kissed his lips. “I think your mom would be happy to see you carry on her traditions.”
“I don’t know how, Red. Dad’s coping mechanism was easier.”
“It only feels that way. Christmas without Mom the first year was so hard for me. But now, it feels like she’s with me.”
“I was a selfish asshole to ask you to let that go. We both lost a parent this year. I should know better.” He took my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. “I don’t know that I can be the man you need me to be. But I’m also not ready to let you go.”
“And you don’t have to. I told you. I want to be with you. I love you.”
“I love you too.” He pulled me into his lap. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“And you won’t.”
“That’s the thing.” He played with a strand of my hair, twirling it around his long fingers. “In my world, the innocent always end up hurt.”
“What haven’t you told me?”
“It isn’t safe for you. As much as I want to, I can’t protect you all the time. Unless you stay in the penthouse, and basically, give up your life. It was a selfish thing to ask of you.”
“Are you saying that because you’re afraid the Irish will want revenge? For what happened to Liam Walsh?”
He furrowed his brows at me, as if he was shocked I knew just how dangerous our world was.
“Santino, I can do the math as easily as you. My crew is small, yes, but small scale doesn’t mean I grew up without a healthy appreciation for danger. I know your world is hard. But I don’t care as long as we make the most of whatever time we have left.” I ran my fingers over his full lips. “No one lives forever. Every day, every Christmas, every birthday, it could be the last one. No matter how careful we are. We both know that. Do you see? All we can do is make the best of the time we have.”
“Red.” He shook his head. “I don’t deserve you.”
“And yet, you’re stuck with me.” I beamed at him and pressed my mouth to his.
He cupped my cheek and kissed me hungrily, as if he finally understood how precious every moment we spent together was. Sure, we lived in a mafia world where our lives were expendable. But the thing was, no one could say with certainty how long they would live. Wasn’t that why people clung to the holidays with all their might? A whole month dedicated to making sure we spent time with our loved ones—decorations and cozy fires included.
Santino’s dad was wrong in shutting it all down, shutting his own son out. But we still had time to turn it around.
He deepened the kiss, then pulled away. “I’m okay with that. Because you’re stuck with me too.”
“Okay, so how about this?” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “We’ll take it slow. How about we go home and roast some chestnuts in the fireplace and then open presents at midnight.”
“How could I say no when you keep rubbing your gorgeous ass on my cock?” His hot breath brushed the sensitive spot behind my ear and fluttered all the way down to my core. He lifted his head and met his driver’s gaze in the rearview mirror. “We’re ready to go home.”
“Of course, Sir.”
“With this traffic, it will take an hour to get there.” I tunneled my fingers through his hair.
“How should we pass the time?” He slipped his hand under my sweater and kneaded my breast while he kissed my neck.
Time melted away, along with the sparkly lights outside the car, and the many Christmas jingles playing on the streets of New York City.
By the time, we got home, my lips were bruised from kissing and I was dying for some real relief—I’d had enough foreplay. Santino ushered me to the private elevator that went from the garage straight into his penthouse. When the doors slid open, my jaw dropped.
“What?”
“Merry Christmas, Red.” He hugged me from behind, nuzzling his face on my neck.
“Did you do this?”
“I had help.” He released me so I could take in the room.
I hardly recognized the place. The twelve-foot Christmas tree in the foyer caught my eye first. It was surrounded by a nine-foot tree and a seven-foot tree. They were laden with glittery ornaments, big and small. One even had globes that looked like fruit made of gold. The design of it put to shame all the trees I spent hours ogling at Saks Fifth Avenue.
