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15
LEON
“Ohhhhh myyyyyyy gooooooood goddddddd!” Darby collapses on the bed beside me, throwing herself down, her hands over her eyes. That exclamation is one of utter relief that somehow, we made it through a whole day with her parents, and now it’s over and done, and they know everything.
It’s a bit of a mystery and a miracle that she hasn’t shunned me after the performance I put on at the fire. Not only is she not angrily ignoring the fact that I exist, she still wants to sleep beside me in bed. I came in here and sat down, and Darby followed after waving goodbye to her parents as they drove down the gravel driveway.
“I’m an idiot.”An eejit, more like. Let’s make things right and proper Irish. There. That’s better. Probably the most truthful thing you’ve said. Ever.
If my daughter married you, I’m sure there was a good reason. All the money in the world couldn’t motivate Darby to do something that wasn’t already in her heart.
Holy. Freaking. Fuckstacks.
Darby’s hands slide away from her eyes, and she turns to me. Her smile surprises me and puts a hold on the internal meltdown I’m about to have before they can even start as her dad’s words echo through my brain. I didn’t think she’d smile at me ever again.
“Well, if you are, you’re a crazy, honest idiot who I happen to like very much.”
…Something that wasn’t already in her heart…
It makes me feel so much more than just conflicted feelings. I want to reach for her. But I know I need to stop doing that. I know I need to push her away. No matter how sweet and soft she is, no matter what she makes me feel, feeling anything is dangerous, and I can’t get so sloppy and let my guard down in a few days after a lifetime of keeping it up.
The smile falls off Darby’s face, and I hate myself. I want to bring it back. I want to make her laugh, and I want to kiss her, though I shouldn’t do any of those things. I’m getting too attached. She’s way too attached. If I had known how she felt, I never would have asked her to do this.Liar. There was no one else.
She might not be smiling now, but she still reaches out and traces her finger down the slope of my nose. I can’t say anyone has ever done that, and my body tingles ridiculously. I’m instantly rock-hard, and I want to strip off her clothes and forget about all the things I don’t want to think about, but it’s an old instinct to protect myself, and it hasn’t died yet.
“How many strays did you collect growing up?” I ask, being an asshole to the end.
Darby’s brows draw together. “What?” She brings her hand back to her side. I want it back. I want her touch back. I’m getting pathetic over here.
“How many stray cats or birds fallen out of their nests or injured animals did you try and save? How many times did you volunteer? How many charities have you supported?”
“That’s a weird question.” Her eyes search my face, and I know she sees me. She knows me too damn well, and that’s becoming a problem I failed to anticipate. All the time that I was busy working and getting on with it, she was busy watching me, and I never once noticed. “Are you trying to suggest that I take in strays because I have a bleeding heart for them? You’re not a stray cat, Leon.” She’s offended. Not angry but suspicious. She knows my game already.
“No, but fixing broken things is something you need to do.”
“It’s not. Otherwise, I would have been a doctor or a nurse or a vet.”
I’m not strong enough to stop myself from touching her. I want to soothe away her frown. I want to bring her close and not let her go. I want to be her shield and lean on her strength. I have never met anyone stronger than her, even if she’s physically tiny and has the softest heart. “You’re so tender,” I whisper, pushing a strand of hair off her forehead. “I’m not a gentleman in any sense of the word. I’m the guy who wall-bangs you outside while there’s a storm rolling and raging a few feet away.”
“Only because we were locked out.”
“Are you sure?”
She gives me a look that says I’m being a numbskull, and she clearly doesn’t like it because she knows I’m trying to push her away, but I’m only hurting myself. “Did I tell you to be gentle, or did I beg you for it?” She stuns me. “I didn’t need gentle. I needed exactly what you gave me. You didn’t hurt me.”
I make myself stop touching her and roll onto my back. The ceilings are blonde wood with wide planks and lots of knots. Very cottagey and homey. The light is bright up there too. It hits my eyes, and I wince. The throbbing in my skull has started again. It started up at dinner, probably from the stress of meeting Darby’s parents, being a total ass face at the fire, and not being able to stop myself from making that confession. And then, somehow having her dad understand everything, having Darby’s affection and forgiveness, and her sweet arms wrapped around my neck. It’s pounding now, but I make myself look into the light anyway.
Darby is far too smart. She has my number, alright. She grasps my shoulders and rolls on top of me, sitting up and straddling my hips through our clothes. My cock jerks violently in my jeans, and I make a noise in my throat that I can’t suppress. But she’s not interested in that right now. Or maybe not at this minute. She blocks the light completely with her body, and all I can see when I look up is her face.
“Monsters beget monsters,” I blurt. It’s my deepest fear. The key to all the fucking doors inside me, and I just put it out there, feeding it to the air like a true imbecile.
No. I gave it to her.
Darby’s hands hover near my shoulders. “What does that mean?”Are you okay?That’s what she’s really asking. The answer, as always, is no.
“Monsters aren’t born. They’re created. Nature and nurture are against me, Darby. You have to know that. I have my father’s genetics, and I have his training. I could just snap at any time. You’re not safe with me.”
Her hands finally land, and her fingers curl into my T-shirt. “That’s not true. I mean, yes, you have his genetics, and yes, he did terrible things to you, but that’s not true for everyone. Some people who are hurt growing up take the opposite path. They become protectors. They want to change society. They’re driven to make sure what happened to them doesn’t happen to anyone else.” She licks her bottom lip, and my body reacts ferally, my hips bucking under her.
