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is body from here, the way his head came up, his gaze diamond-hard and focused on her. He never moved. Never shifted from his lonely spot until even the gulls settled back among the rock-strewn beach.
She’d turn away. Pretend she hadn’t seen him.
Childish? Yes. Cowardly? Most definitely.
Still, he waited. Rain sliced across the long, elegant bones of his face, over his chest. Puddled under his boots.
What the hell. She flung up her arms in exasperation and walked down the hill to him.
Conor leaned against the rocks, arms crossed, watching the fog rolling toward shore. Trying not to watch Ellery. Gods, she was beautiful. And more amazing to him was that she knew it and didn’t care. Took it for granted.
Not in a bad way. Not in a way that made her vain or conceited. But just as if it wasn’t anything to be especially proud of. A trick of birth that she could have done without and been just as satisfied.
She stood at the water’s edge, tossing stones into the surf. The rain had passed, leaving her damp hair in ringlets, her gown clinging to every amazing curve. “The month is almost over,” she said. “Only a few days left.” She skipped a pebble twice across the wave tops before it sank.
“I know.” He tried to keep the worry from his voice. The expression on her face when she turned around showed him how badly he’d failed. “I’d hoped you wouldn’t notice.”
She grimaced, flinging the last of the stones into the sea. Wiped her hands on her apron. “Small chance of that.” Leaving the water, she joined him at the edge of the dunes. Plucked a stalk of tufted grass. Eyes downcast.
The light dimmed as the sun sank behind the clouds. It was late. They should head home. Out of the rain. But neither one made a move in that direction. Too much remained unsaid. The peace too fragile.
She hugged her arms to her body as if she were cold. “I keep thinking about how far I’ve come. Everything seems like a dream. A nightmare at times.” She paused. “I haven’t forgotten, you know.” Her words were barely more than a whisper. “I keep trying to reason myself back into hating you. Into running as far and as fast as I can.”
This was where he should tell her she was right to run. To get out. Or risk being hurt worse. But the words wouldn’t come.
Her face glowed like a flame, her eyes bright and blue and clear as the sky. “But I can’t make myself hate you,” she said. “This—what I’m doing—it’s lunacy. I know it. I’m in love with someone who’s admitted to wanting to kill me.”
Love? She loved him? A flash of heat scorched through the frozen center of his heart; the part of him that had died with Ysbel blazed back to life. Grew. Expanded until his chest ached with a new and dreadful pain.
She couldn’t love him. Shouldn’t love him. But she did. And it was so tempting to simply yield. Forget years of training and give in to this new and terrifying reality.
She stood, waiting for him to answer. Waiting for him to say something. But words weren’t enough. And he was too afraid to wrap her in his arms, taste the sweet release of kissing her, the press of her body against his. Once released, his need would take over. He’d probably panic her all over again.
Instead, he kept the excitement locked within. Gave her no reason to regret her confession. “It was never a question of wanting to kill you. And once I knew you, knew what you could be to me, the sacrifice became impossible.”
He plowed his hands through his hair to keep them busy. And off her. She had no idea what she was doing to his resolve just by standing there.
So close. So Ellery.
He closed his eyes. Breathed deep. Maybe that would calm his runaway reaction. “Say you believe me. Right after you tell me you love me again.”
“I believe you. Now. And I love you.” Her voice, low and smooth, wrapped around him. Poured through him.
His pulse galloped as every nerve in his body screamed at him to grab her, hold her, never let her go until he’d devoured every inch of her. Showed her with action what he couldn’t put into speech.
Duty and loyalty and service seemed to melt in the sweet honey of her words. Could it really be that simple? Could she really know him for what he was and still want him? The realization of her words pushed every other thought out of his mind.
He opened his eyes, and she was there. Inches away, her gaze wary and nervous, her skin flushed. Fear seemed to shadow her still. Fear of him. Of them. It was enough to stop him cold. Make him take a step back to keep the space he needed to maintain control.
“Why?” He sounded like he’d been running. Hoped she didn’t see his own emotion, so close to the surface, it radiated along his skin like lightning. “What changed?”
She frowned, her face serious, her bright eyes darkening to slate. “I thought of Glynnis. And Talan. She never understood. Never wanted to. And then it was over. He was gone, and she never got the chance to try.” She looked away, out across the water to where the fog melted into the waves. “I don’t want to end like her. Alone. Bitter.” When she swung back, there was desire in her gaze and defiant bravado. As if she faced down an enemy. “Wondering what my life would have been like had I seen past my anger.”
But even now she could end bitter and alone. He didn’t know what to say. How to answer her.
She broke the silence first. “I won’t ask if you have to do this.”
“There’s nothing for us if I don’t.”
