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Katherine turned away from him. "I don't believe a word of it."
"I took a bullet in my leg back then, too," Hawks said.
"I still don't believe it!" Katherine yelled.
"Don't matter, it's the gospel." Hawks sat back now and studied her. Then suddenly he pulled up his pants leg and showed her where the bullet had gone. "Now, see there, I did get shot.
"You think yore Pa was too good to do them things? Now yore Ma, she had no choice. If she hadn't given that buck what he wanted, he'd a killed her. She were smart to give in like she did. Gotta give her credit. She couldn't have known that she carried you so soon afterwards. But in time your Pa figured it out. Especially since you weren't like his other kids. He was bound to knowed. And I reckon you'll believe the rest when we get that money out of the ground." Hawks sipped his coffee and offered her some supper.
She shook her head and moved away to think about all Hawks had revealed.
***
News of her father's deed stunned her and made her wonder. Katherine cried for the father she thought she knew so well. And then she fell silent. She slumped to the ground and tried to think, as tears rolled down her cheeks. Had her father ever said anything to confirm Hawks story? She doubted it. Certainly not in front of her. But Hawks thought she knew, so what could she do? He expected her to find the money for him. Obviously someone robbed the bank or there would be no money. So some of his story had to be true.
That didn't worry her, death didn't worry her now. What worried her was that Hawks might have been telling the truth about her mother's capture, and that would make her a half-breed too. And her father a common thief. This was like a horrible nightmare. She couldn't take it all in.
She was a breed!
It was a nightmare. Just like her dream had been heaven, this was the hell. Why did you have to have one without the other? A heaven and a hell!
But what worried Katherine was her mother. Could it have happened as Hawks said? Could that be why her mother seemed to hate the Indians so? She could understand that now. And if she was part Indian, it might explain her coloring, and her ideas about the Indian people. An Indian. She'd never once thought of such a thing. Could it be true? Was there anyone that might know the truth? She needed to find out. Somehow, she had to know for sure.
She didn't want to think of the Indian girl and her father together. But it brought memories of the few precious moments she had with Chase in her dream. It had been so real, so compelling. How could a dream be that way? Moments she would never take back no matter what the consequence. She had loved a breed even if it was just a dream, it had been so real, but it wasn't important that he was a breed. He was a man. The most man she'd ever known. And to think him dead…unthinkable. And the dream was much more than a dream, for she had seen for herself, he had really touched her, somehow.
Part of her screamed it was all just a bad dream and she would wake up soon. She hadn't done anything. And she wasn't an Indian. Hawks was lying. He wanted her to doubt herself was all. She couldn't let him know he'd succeeded.
Suddenly Chase's face came to mind. The dream had been so real that when she woke, she felt as though something had happened to her. It had been too real. And now she knew in her heart, she had made love with him.
She couldn't think of it. Wouldn't. He was alive, somewhere, she had to go on hoping.
Katherine couldn't believe her father would do anything so terrible. And her mother captured by the Indians. Surely Hawks was lying. But the longer she thought on it, the more she realized Hawks might have spoken the truth. For there had to be money and her father must have hid it. Whether he was the robber or not, she did not want to know. And she would not contemplate herself as an Indian, until someone confirmed it, she was white.
***
The next day Hawks made her walk the rest of the way to the station. The wind was barely moving, she could taste the heat in her mouth, her tongue like sandpaper. Her hair was ringed in sweat. She tried to take enough time to pull it back and braid it but Hawks was having none of that and pushed her until she fell. She scraped her hands against the grains of sand and cried out for water. Even though the dust no longer bit into their skin, the heat replaced it. Sweat trickled down her back, making her dress cling to her. Her feet and legs ached from walking so much, because Hawks couldn't slow down. The dust coated everything, her clothes, her hair, her mouth. She needed a bath. Just the thought of the old tub she used at home made her ache to be there.
When they finally reached the station though, she looked at the burned out place with dead eyes. She couldn't go back to living like her and Joshua lived. Joshua, she hadn't even thought about him in hours. Was he dead too! She couldn't think of it now. Seeing the home place burned to the ground made her weep. She had stopped thinking rationally hours ago. The sun weakened her. Katherine felt herself losing her sanity.
What she once called home was a shell of ashes now. Nothing had been spared. Just as Chase told her it would be. Chase!
He was her one hope. But the odds of him surviving were slim. He had no horse, no way of escaping. But she didn't think him dead. She felt she would know somehow.
Hawks looked around, going over the entire yard before he ever looked at her. There was no grass, just dust, and the sparse line of willows at the creek that ran near by. The only thing that welcomed was the old oak tree that stood out like a sore thumb as though it didn't belong here.
They'd used the creek water when they first came here, but it too was drying up now to only a trickle. But it was the strength of the tree that overshadowed the house like a mighty fortress; it was the old oak tree. And how it had gotten here was a mystery no one could answer. Did the farmer from Mississippi really bring it, or had it been here all along, from many centuries ago? It was a beautiful sore thumb.
Katherine smiled because it was untouched from all the other things at the station. It still majestically swept over the remains. Katherine ran to sit under it, soaking up the reprieve from the hot sun, the tree providing an oasis. The graves reminded her she sat among her own parents now and there was some comfort to that. She had to quit worrying about the dead. She was alive and she had to stay that way. She had to think about herself now. "Can I have some water now?"
"Okay, now you tell me where the money is and everything is gonna be all right." Hawks took the canteen and went to the creek to fill it with water. Coming back he nodded, and joined her at the base of the tree.
"I'm tired, can we rest first?" she stalled him.
"Once we get the money, we'll rest." He chuckled.
"I'll have to study on it, for a while. It's been so long." She lied. Maybe if she played along, he wouldn't get so mad and be so rough with her. She had to survive this somehow.
"All right, we'll have a drink, and you can think on it. But remember my patience runs mighty thin sometimes. So don't think too long." He laughed.
