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“You can cut my hair in a few minutes, if you have the time.” He smiled from a distance. “And we’ll get to that sooner or later, Hattie. That I promise.”
“For now, I guess stolen kisses will have to do, for both of us.”
“Is that enough?”
“It’ll have to be.”
“Then I’ll have to make sure I get a lot of those in every day…”
“Lord,” he sighed when she finally walked away, watching her hips move seductively from side to side in those pants. His loins tightened even more. How would he keep his hand off of her? He certainly couldn’t keep his mind or eyes off of her. She filled his days and nights with such agony.
He grabbed the old razor strap and the old shaving mug. Brushing the soap on his face, he knew he needed some time to cool down before going downstairs. She was family now, he reminded himself for the hundredth time. Slowly, he shaved the beard off his chin. He stared into the mirror and shook his head. Then he took the scissors and started clipping his hair back. When he went downstairs, he looked like an entirely different man. Hattie took one look and drew a deep breath. Her approval was in the blatant stare she gave him. Her desire was there, in her eyes, open for him to see.
“Well,” her voice came out soft and husky. “You look much…better…” She tried to smile.
“Thank you.” He smiled back.
Sam came through the door. “We got some troubles. It’s rainin’ and we ain’t picked the rest of the corn.”
“Then let’s move, partner…” Lee smiled at him.
Sam smiled back and they went out the door.
***
Hattie realized that evening when he shaved that it was now even harder to resist the man that came to be her family. Her hands itched to touch his clean shaven face, to touch him, all of him. What held him back, she wondered. She certainly hadn’t tried.
He seemed totally unaware of how fine a man he was. From his massive shoulders that bulged when he worked with his shirt off, to his narrow hips, he was all man. His lack of an arm hadn’t taken a thing away from him. He still held his own, with work, and with loving, she smiled, remembering how he touched her cheek so sweetly.
Secretly, she liked it when he took his shirt off though. She would stare from afar at his muscles moving as he worked. The fact that he had a missing arm didn’t phase her. He was still gorgeous to her. Everything about him ignited a fire inside her that she couldn’t squash. She wanted him. Needed him, loved him. But there was lust too, like now, when she stared so at him, wanting him. Her fingers itched to run freely in his dark auburn hair. She’d never seen a color of hair like that on a man and it captivated her. His eyes, though, mesmerized her every time he looked at her. The way he stared at her, the way his eyes undressed her, it was the first time a man looked at her that way that she no longer wanted to turn away, but toward. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A shiver ran through her, thinking about them coming together. Deep down, she admitted he was the very first man she wanted so badly she could almost taste the sweat rolling from his massive chest. How could she so blatantly want him? Could lust and love go together? They had to because she felt both. And how could she hide it from everyone, from him. She knew her eyes spoke for her, her body too. She couldn’t be around him without her nipples puckering as if for his kisses. The thought of him kissing her there made her grow warm and wet between her legs: a new experience that both thrilled and scared her. The fantasy of him touching her there, kissing her there, made her weak, her knees were shaking every time she thought about it, and she thought about it every day. The longing grew with each passing moment. The unspoken, more silent. Not having him was like some strange foreplay.
Part of it began with the way he looked at her. Not as though she was just another woman, but as though she was desirable and the only woman. Maybe she read him wrong. Of course there were other things that alerted her. Parts of him were very obvious too, sometimes so much so she wondered how he could walk, just like parts of her were. She smiled to herself with satisfaction. At least she knew he wanted her. Things had evened out through the years. The age difference no longer mattered. The problem lay with the fact that she wanted him right back. All of him, inside her. Dreamin’ of havin’ him inside her made her so hot she could hardly work. Admitting it to herself was both thrilling and bold. That thought filled her with such excitement sometimes she grew weak from it. It was a new awareness for herself that made her tremble. How would it be to finally have her Lee? She relished it, prized it, and kept it close to her heart, because it was a secret longing.
The fact that others might see this made her look at herself in the mirror one day. Dear Lord, just thinking of him made her body come to life. No wonder he stared so. It was like hanging a sign around her neck. She wished they weren’t so obvious. She had to do something about it. Before someone noticed.
One morning, she decided to try to hide her breasts. She stuffed a couple of rags into her camisole and looked. She had no fancy clothes to wear that could hide such a thing. She wore these ugly clothes to distract any man from looking at her. Other men had thought her pretty, before. The last thing she wanted was trouble. She pulled the rags out, then folded them neatly and stuffed them back in. There, that was better.
She threw her hair into her hat too, anything to make herself less appealing to him.
In fact, when she thought on it, she wondered why he was attracted; she wore men’s pants, and shirt. She wore a flop hat. She didn’t look like some desirable lady. So why was he looking at her as though she were?
He could be in trouble wanting her. Maybe she needed to act more put out with him or something, so he wouldn’t want her. The last thing she wanted was to bring him trouble. Maybe she needed to be a shrew around him. That would turn him off quickly. But did she want to turn him away? Her heart said one thing, her mind another.
For just a few minutes, she wanted to relish the feeling that he wanted her. That he didn’t care that she was a Negro. For just a few minutes, she wanted to dream about him taking her. It was, after all, just a dream. What would it be like for him to touch her? His thin wide lips caressing her nipples and making them pucker. Heck, he didn’t have to touch her to do that, she smiled. Already she felt herself grow hot from the needs he invited with merely his eyes. It was a way of flirting, she supposed. A way of making love, to eye each other with such longing.
Feeling more confident about herself, she joined them at the table that morning and smiled.
“What’s for breakfast, Miss Hattie?” Joe asked with a chuckle as he sipped his coffee.
“I got bacon and pancakes, that ought to hold you two ‘til lunch,” she said with determination.
If Lee noticed her attire, he never said a word. Strangely, she didn’t notice any bulges in his pants either. That made her feel as though she had accomplished something. They were adults; they had to act like adults. She had three wonderful children and she wouldn’t hurt them by shaming them. But Lord, she wanted Mr. Lee, and she needed to stop wanting him so much.
“You spoil us, Miss Hattie.” Lee smiled up at her, at last able to face her without regrets.
“You’re both hardworking men, you need a good meal,” she insisted, trying her best not to look directly at Lee.
The kids piled around the table and Joe tickled Lily ‘til she laughed.
