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She sighed aloud and he stared intently at her now. She closed her eyes and murmured, "Thank you. I don't think you understand why I want to stay here."
"Is it important that I understand?" He rasped.
She whirled around and stared, unable to read his face. "Yes, it is. You see, those babies out there in the dirt…" her eyes held real tears now, and she choked them back. "I never got to really see them. I won't…until I die. But something inside me says, I must keep them close. I'm their mother. I have to be here with them…at least for now!"
The children were in sight, but it was so dark, she doubted they could see, if they were awake. She moved toward him boldly and tiptoed to kiss him. A fleeting kiss on the cheek, for a thank you, but he turned just in time for his lips melted against hers. He wouldn't touch her, but he would kiss her, to let her know he returned the raw feelings between them. The kiss massaged the ache inside her. Her breasts tingled as she leaned against him for support. Her heart pounded to match his. "Oh…" she drawled, swooning from the kiss, savoring it like a keepsake.
He pulled away.
"I have not asked yet, but I must. Are you with child?"
"No," her voice held sorrow when she said it, and that shocked him. Her sorrow pulled at his heart.
"And that makes you… sad?" He queried, his head turning in question.
She looked at him. She almost smiled. "Strange isn't it?" She faced him for a moment, then looked down. She moved away from him. "I suppose…it does." She glanced up, her eyes locking onto his, "I didn't mean to worry you. But I was late with my monthly. After what happened…and then I blurted out that my husband had died two years ago, at the fort, I was afraid…"
"Of what?" He asked, his glance boring into her.
"Of what they would say about me, what they would think. That I would be cast out. Where would I go? What would I do? I would be a nomad, just like the Indians. But even though fear ruled me, in my heart…I foolishly hoped."
"You hoped what?" He asked coming closer.
Her eyes sought understanding as she stared through the darkness at him. "That I was." She let out a breath and moved further away.
He took a deep breath and stepped back.
She imagined them coming together again, as she closed her eyes and breathed in the distinct scent of the man, all male, potent, the thought consuming her. And when she opened her eyes again, she knew he knew what she was thinking. She smiled shyly.
She looked into his eyes, saw the sparkle of desire that matched her own, and then she walked away. What they had shared back at the Comanche camp was more than a moment of lust, or his desire to save her, it had meant something, to both of them. They had just acknowledged that by their silence. The thought swelled within her, and she thanked her God for the man who stood so silent, yet said so much.
He stood there staring out over the land and the new house he was helping to build, for a long while. He stood so still, unable to move, to show her just how much he cared, only with his lips. He could not leave her. He would not leave her now, for she was a part of him that he never imagined, and always would be. They had crossed the line. They had mixed and nothing would change that. Her admission of sorrow blazed within him now. He knew from this moment on that leaving was no longer an option. When he realized she had wanted his child, his heart swelled within him. He stood proudly, digesting her response with so much love; he could not express it if he tried. She was his!
And tonight, she knew it too!
Chapter Ten
The next few days kept them busy with hard work. They rested for long periods too though, so they wouldn't tire so easily.
Then several days later, they took off work and Hawk and Matthew went fishing. Eve and Jane Ann stayed in camp and played tea party. It was a marvelous day with the children.
There had been no more talk between them. No more intimacy. Just occasional glances, a smile here and there.
They had been here over two weeks now and it felt so much like home. Eve was happy, a little too happy.
Many times, she wondered if perhaps she had assumed the wrong things from Hawk, as he had made no designs on her. Whatever he felt about her, he kept to himself. Perhaps she'd do better if she tried to put her thoughts of him away too.
She told herself that repeatedly. It was impossible!
"Mommy, is Hawk my daddy?" Jane Ann asked so sweetly as she curled up in her lap and hugged her. She was talking well now and her curiosity was running wild.
"Well, would you like him to be?" She asked playfully.
"Yes…" Jane Ann answered. "I love him."
Eve nearly laughed. "Love him?"
"Yes mommy."
