Page 4 of Be Free My Heart


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"But I am Indian. Why does that matter to you?" She asked with a disbelieving frown.

Matt was quiet again, he was wearying of her suspicions and questions, then he stared into the firelight. "People keep reminding me that you are an Indian. I got eyes. I can see. You're a human being, that's all that matters. Another of God's creatures. Because I was wrong to hook up with those men. Wrong to rob. Wrong to go along with taking you. I realized that, and I want to right the wrongs. So, I'm taking you home. It's as simple as that. I feel I owe you that much. I've made up my mind." The determined set of his chin told her he meant it.

She sat down on the opposite side of the fire, but it was obvious she didn't quite believe him yet.

"I do not believe you." She said simply, raising a defiant chin to him.

"That's alright. I didn't expect you to. But if you want to live, and get home, you'll do as I say. Understand." His eyes met hers now, for the first time and something changed in her expression.

"I will do as you say." She repeated dully. "That Jake, why did he want me so?"

Matt studied her a minute. A shy smile lit his lips. "I guess because you are pretty for one thing. But the real reason is because you are a woman and he hadn't been around one for some time. Believe it or not, he's married, got a wife back in Missouri and supposedly three kids too. Before he took to stealin' with Toby, he was an accountant at a bank, a fairly decent fella. But a man out here, with not much on him but the time of day, forgets what he left behind quickly."

She turned her head to stare at him. "Jake was married?"

"That's what he told me, yes." Matt affirmed.

The disbelief in her voice told him she was having a hard time picturing him as a decent man.

"I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. He was pretty decent when I first met him." He shot her a smile. "I guess I confuse you. I don't blame you, entirely. You see, I don't believe that people are born bad. My father did, but I don't. Now, Jake just lowered his standards of living with the likes of Toby. First time I met Jake, he was in a suit of clothes, not a bad looking fella. Like me, he fell in with Toby and things changed quickly. I guess he just got tired of working for so little money. But in truth it wasn't much better being an outlaw. Even if you managed to steal some money, you are constantly on the run from the law and can't enjoy it. I think we all knew that outlawin' wasn't a profitable business after a while. Still, it was the murder, and taking you that cinched it for me. I finally came unto myself."

She looked puzzled by his words.

"I realized it wasn't how I wanted to live. It's not who I am."

She still didn't quite believe him or trust him. He could see that in her expressive brown eyes. That would take time after the way she'd been treated, but if she thought on it a while, she'd remember that he never touched her, nor hurt her in any way. And trust would come in time.

What she didn't know was that Matt didn't have a real plan of action. He just knew he was tired of outlawing. And, he knew he wanted to return her to her people. To him that was right.

Matt wrestled with his decision only seconds when he saw Jake trying to take her. Although he'd spent a tolerable amount of time fretting about what he'd got himself into before Jake tried to rape her. Matt hadn't planned on murder, nor rape. After all these men had been half way decent at one time.

Jake intended to rape her right in front of him. Matt felt his skin crawl and that's why he pulled a gun on him. The man was a pig, or had come to be, and quite suddenly Matt knew he didn't want to be the same. Living the outlaw life so long had made Jake a different man than he'd once been. But Matt wasn't going to become like them. He was still young, and he wanted to do some living before they put him six feet under. He glanced at the Indian girl, she was pretty, and very small, but he wouldn't be telling her, she didn't like him much more than Jake anyway. Still, he'd do the right thing and get her to her people. He knew once he did, he'd feel a lot better about himself.

When Jake killed that clerk, it all came clear to Matt just how deep he had gotten into the outlaw business. He didn't believe in killing innocent people, nor raping them either.

He had been a decent young man up until he met Toby and his gang. Rebelling from his religious father had him joining a bunch of thieves. It hadn't taken him long to realize he was wrong. Not that he would ever return to his folk's place. He'd left home for good. That much he was sure of. He didn't know what might lie ahead of him now, but it wouldn't be on the wrong side of the law, or a noose.

He stared at Snow Bird. The sooner she began to trust him the easier it would be. He'd done his best to ignore her in camp, as he didn't want to become involved in any way. Raping, even an Indian was wrong, and he couldn't let her suffer a fate like that. Besides, she was a woman first. Despite his rebellion, he suddenly realized that his father's religion had penetrated his thinking. He was a Christian man, and he knew now that no matter where he went, or what he did, nothing would change that fact. Some things just stuck.

Although barely twenty-one now, he had begun to take a stand on his own beliefs. He believed in God and Jesus, and he prayed, but he didn't think dancing, kissing a girl, or having a drink now and then was a sin. He believed all things in moderation. His father hadn't seen things that way, so they parted ways. And yet Matt realized, not too far, although his father would never know it.

His father believed breathing was a sin. And when Matt came of age, he realized he had his own idea of religion. And he believed strongly that his father was wrong in imposing such strict behavior on his kids. His brothers and sisters were too young to follow him, but Matt figured eventually when they learned to think for themselves, they'd leave too. Someday, they would have their own feelings about religion. Getting a beating for breathing wasn't his idea of how life should be lived any more than outlawing. He didn't think God approved of the beatings either. There had to be some middle ground, there just had to be.

If God didn't like dancing, and kissing, why would it be a part of life?

His father was a tyrant and didn't even realize it. And yet Matt suddenly realized that he had instilled better values in Matt and for that he was grateful. Because those beliefs had been instilled, Matt wouldn't be straying too far from what was right.

Realizing just how much of that religion had taken hold, Matt also realized that he wasn't as bad as his father had made him out to be. He just didn’t want to be beaten anymore. He believed in God and doing the right thing. It made him almost chuckle to himself. He wasn't sure when he'd grown up, but he knew he had. Outlawing had taught him his own religion, quickly. He'd been on his own for three years now and it was eye-opening for him. He'd seen both the good and the bad side of living and right now, he wanted back on the good side. He knew now that he wasn't going to be straying back to those ways.

&n

bsp; Somehow, he'd become a man, and he'd chosen his path.

"Your father wants to beat it into you. But I want you to grow into a man, the right way. Be your own man. Make your own decisions. It's the only way to truly grow up, son." His mother had told him.

"Why do you smile so much?" Snow Bird asked him as she finished cooking and dished him some bacon and beans.

Matt shrugged away his thoughts to answer her, taking the full plate from her and eating.

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