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Lucy watched her facial expression closely.
"You see, I didn't tell Frank about the baby. We were married before he had a clue."
"Why didn't you?" Lucy prodded trying to understand her.
"I was afraid he'd not want to marry me. Frank isn't fond of children. He'd made that clear before we were married. After that I was afraid to tell him. I cared a great deal about him. He's a very good man. I didn't want to gamble losing him. I thought I could tell him la
ter."
"I see. I am sorry for your decision, as it has put a strain on your marriage has it not?"
"Yes, it has. He thinks I deceived him and that I was only interested in his support for the child. It's partially true. But I liked him a lot."
"You don't love him?"
"I guess I haven't explored that enough to know. I've been so busy with the baby and all. I have neglected him, and I feel ashamed that I lied to him. He put off the trip we were to make, and I had Peggy. He got a job in town at the bank. But he was miserable there, and he came home to a wailing child every evening. After two and a half years he heard of a military wagon train going west. He talked the Captain into letting us come with them. The Captain told him about the Indians and about Custer who was causing so much friction between the whites and Indians. Frank didn't listen. He wanted to get to California and pan for gold. Then the train was attacked. Although the soldiers were well armed, the Indians had us boxed in a canyon. That's when I discovered they took Peggy. He didn't want me to come after Peggy. I insisted. He's angry, and I guess a bit bitter. And I'm trapped in this marriage with him." Gloria cried. "How can I love a man that won't love my child?"
"Would it have made a difference if you'd told him first?"
"Probably. The secret was between us to begin with."
"He seems like a nice man, perhaps this experience will be good for your marriage in some way. Perhaps it will make it stronger."
"I hope so. He is a good man, a very good man. He's been nothing but kind and considerate of me and Peggy. But I suppose it's the lie more than anything."
"Then I will pray to the Creator that it all comes well for you."
"Do you have so much compassion for everyone you meet?"
"I try to. You never know what someone has gone through." Lucy told her. "I have come to realize as an adult that everyone has problems they have to work through. And I'd suggest working hard at repairing your marriage as it sounds as though it might be worth it."
Lucy didn't know who to feel sorry for. Perhaps this child would be better off with the Sioux. She had no right to judge the woman, nor the man. But theirs was a cold marriage and the child would only be loved by the mother. She was almost sorry she agreed to help now.
"Lucy," Gloria called as she started to walk back. "I know I did him wrong, but I thought as good a man as he is, he'd forgive me. I made a huge mistake, by not telling him. The only thing left for me is a divorce, and I can't afford it, and don't want it. Frank and I get along well together, it's just the secrets I've kept from him."
"I'm afraid I'd have to agree, and I'm sorry I agreed to help you get your child back." She walked off. "She'd probably be better off with the Sioux. A child needs a steady home, a happy home. A home with love. When I look back at my early childhood, I remember my father was never a happy man. I didn't know why, but one day I realized my Indian family was happy, and it made me happy. I only get moody and stupid when I'm around whites."
Gloria stared, she wasn't happy about what Lucy said.
Lucy started to leave but Gloria reached a hand out to her.
"I thought you of all people would understand. I heard you talking to Aiden about your husband. You didn't love him either."
Lucy stared into her cool gray eyes. "No, you are wrong. I did love him, just not like a husband." Lucy faced her squarely staring into her cold eyes now. She'd hurt the woman's feelings and naturally she wanted to get back at her. "But I liked him a lot," she smiled now as though remembering him. "We got along well, and we had a good life together, for what time we had. I did not lie to him, and he did not lie to me. We were two lonely people who needed each other at the time. But… ours was not an intimate relationship. I'm not sure it ever could have been."
"You mean… you never… "
"No."
"Did he want to?"
"He was as shy as I was. Perhaps had we lived together longer, it would have happened, but he married me to save me from becoming another warrior's wife. It was a hasty kind of decision, but he didn't want me to suffer at his hand and knew I would. So, he married me, by offering more horses for me."
"And you didn't love him, even after that."
"I did, but not in that way. I always loved him, but we were growing into each other. And yet, we didn't have enough time… " Lucy said sadly.
"And now how do you feel? I mean, do you regret not consummating the marriage?"
