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"When he drank, I was afraid. I couldn't go to sleep a lot of nights. Drunks don't remember what they do the next day I'm told."
"Did you love him as your father?"
"I don't know. We never had a real close relationship, Jack. But I will say this for him, he did love my mother." She fingered the coffee cup before her. "I think we had a mutual feeling for each other after my Ma died, but I wouldn't call it love. More just a sense of understanding one another and how we felt about her death."
"How old were you when your mother died?"
"Twelve."
"Bad age for you and for him to turn to drink."
"It's why I have a gun," she produced the gun. "And another reason I wanted to get away. It's funny really, I have this gun, but… I can't seem to use it. But I promised myself, if he ever came near me, I'd use it."
He stared, then picked the gun up and examined it. "I haven't seen one of them in a long time. But it would get the job done."
She chuckled, "A lady's gun."
"How'd you get that?"
"A lady in the General Store gave it to me."
"How old were you?"
"Fourteen… "
"God, child. Thank God she gave it to you."
Lissa smiled sadly. "In some ways I wish she never had."
"Don't you feel bad about what had to be done. I know it ain't easy to accept, especially knowing right from wrong. But pioneer women have suffered all kinds of hazards living out in the no where's with no promise of tomorrows." Jack told her. "Sometimes it comes down to what you have to do, not what you want to do."
"I keep seeing that man's face when he saw me, Jack. I can't get it out of my mind. I had to do it. If he killed Moon, he'd have taken me back. And I couldn't have lived with Moon's death."
Jack smiled at her and patted her hand.
"What would have happened if Moon hadn't killed this Earl fella?" Jack asked staring into her face.
"I'm not sure. Earl could have let my father know he was out there and then there would be other troubles. I might have shot Earl myself, but at the time I had sense enough to know I'd go to jail if I did. He wasn't worth me spending the rest of my life in jail."
"Were you sad when Moon killed your fella."
"No, I was just plain scared. I could have killed him myself, but I tend to think about things too much. I worried about going to jail, as my father would probably have taken me there, once he found Earl. Earl wasn't my fella. He wanted to be, but he was as big a drunk as my father. I didn't want that in my life."
"Well that is good thinkin' girl."
"Moon had no choice but to kill him. Earl hated Indians."
"And the other fella? The one you killed?"
"I was afraid he'd kill Moon. Moon protected me when I needed it. I felt duty bound to protect him. I couldn't let him die for me."
"You were protecting him."
"Trying to, yes."
"That's purely a womanly instinct child. Women protect their young, or anything they love."
Lissa stared, she wanted to contradict him, but she couldn't.
