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How had this feeling grown so quickly? Why had she allowed it to happen? But she knew too, she had little control over her emotions these days. She was in love and her heart was winning.
She must try to avoid these feelings, but it was almost impossible, as she knew if either of them acted upon them, it would destroy the friendship and create something much more powerful. She was convinced that their love was a silent love and could never be voiced.
"Oh, to kiss him once, just once to have his lips on mine." She cried softly. "God forgive me, make me stronger. To be with him once, would be heaven."
She stared as her heart pounded loudly in her chest now. She knew if she was ever with him once, she could never leave him.
When one sought a forever kind of love, there was no going back.
She curled up on her bunk and finally went to sleep.
But even in her dreams he was there, staring at her with those indigo eyes that seemed to reach inside her heart. She laughed in her sleep, for here she was an Indian with erotic dreams of a man she could not have. Still, she was safe to dream of him, for no one could rob her of that. She touched her pillow as though it were his cheek and reached for the kiss that would never be.
Chapter Ten
The next morning Clay stirred as Charlie was staring over him with Elan in his arms.
Willa came into the bedroom and took Elan from Charlie.
"How are you feeling, son?" Charlie asked bending down to look into his face.
"Like I been knifed clear through." Clay answered with a groan.
"Can you tell us what happened?"
"Not much, ran into Haywood."
"Good grief, he's the one that did this?" Charlie sounded shocked.
"Yeah, he was drunk, dad." Clay defended Haywood as he'd once been great friends with the man.
"Why'd he do it?" Charlie frowned.
"It doesn't matter," Clay whispered.
"Because of me," Willa asked softly.
Clay shot her a quick glance but said nothing. When he saw her turn away with a tear in her eye, he tried to turn over, but it was too painful, and he fell back against his bed.
"It doesn't matter Willa." He told her. "I knew there would be some trouble. But I'm sure I can handle it too, with a little help from you."
"It matters very much," she told him, casting him a glance over her shoulder. "You must rest, do not move around so much, you'll break open the scars."
"I don't think you'll have much trouble from me right now." He grinned.
She smiled softly at him. But the glance he gave her now was open, unguarded, and shocked her.
Charlie had a coughing spell and Willa made him a tonic to drink. She needed a distraction from Clay right now.
"Will this cure it?" Charlie asked as she handed him the drink.
"No, but it will ease the pain and quiet the cough some." She told him.
He nodded and took it.
Charlie went to feed the chickens and check on the horses.
Clay moved his head so he could see Willa working in the kitchen. She made him some oatmeal and brought it to him. He knew she felt responsible for the beating, but it no longer mattered. He knew now he'd take a dozen beating to be with her. Knowing he couldn't feed himself, nor move, she sat on the floor with Elan and fed Clay.
