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"Look, I thought we agreed not to have any contact," he began, feeling a turbulence of emotions swamping him. He glanced over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching, but the small office was empty.
"You're right, Nick, of course. But I became concerned when I realized you haven't cashed the check I gave you. Is something wrong with it? You didn't lose it, or misplace it, did you?"
Loose it? He hadn't even opened it. He just wasn't the kind of guy that would sell his baby down the river.
He doubted she'd understand, but he wanted to be honest with her. "Nah, I decided not to cash it, is all. I mean, it made me feel as though I'd be selling the kid up the river. So, let's just say this one is on the house."
Kelsey paused so long to answer; Nick wondered if she hung up.
"Nick, you haven't even looked at the check, have you?"
He breathed a little heavier into the phone. "I'd rather not."
Again there was a silence. "But, I thought we had a deal, Nick? I thought you wanted to get your family out of that building before the landlord started forcing you out. He could cut off the electricity; he could tear up the place. I've read a few stories in the paper about what they are doing. You have no choice, Nick. You've got to get your family out of there."
She sounded as though she really cared about his family.
"I do, and I will. I'll just have to find another way. All I really need is a down payment for a house, anyway."
"I don't feel right about
this, Nick. I mean, it isn't fair to you!"
Life wasn't fair, but that didn't make it right to sell a baby. Nick had made his decision and that was that. No check.
"Just take care of my kid." He smiled, warmed by the thought of creating a life.
"All right Nick. Rest assured she'll be well cared for, and thanks. It's been a pleasure, knowing you."
"Anytime, babe." Even through the phone, Nick felt an odd closeness with this woman he'd never held in his arms, never kissed, and never shared a hot dog with.
But realizing he could never hold onto this woman, he hardened himself, once more. He couldn't let himself forget who and what she was? High society, big business, dressed in black rimmed glasses, and starched linen suits.
Yet it was how she looked the last time he'd seen her that stood firmly in his mind. He saw golden hair falling down from its pins, dislodged glasses on her face, and clothes hinting at her sexuality, full alluring breast with hardened nipples, and a dainty waist. And even deeper, he saw a heart as gold as the sun.
She seemed vulnerable—and very alone.
Nick felt a surge of compassion—along with a rush of desire. He pushed them aside. Time to end this impossible situation.
"Goody-bye," he said softly, and hung up.
Nick never felt so satisfied. He had done the right thing, not cashing the check, and he felt good about it. He worked the rest of the day with an eagerness that surprised him. Suddenly, this hot, physical labor was nothing. Not after he'd given a life to the world.
That night he was late getting home, because he stopped off at the garage to tinker with one of his favorite cars. He heard the echoes of Mama and Tony's snoring and smiled to himself as he shrugged off his shirt. Life didn't get much better than this, he told himself. Tiptoeing through the house, he disposed of his clothes. His muscles ached, but he wasn't complaining about an honest day's work. A shower was just what he needed. Only the light didn't come on. Nick grimaced, the war had begun. The landlord had turned off the electricity. Damn, his family deserved better.
Later, as he lay in bed, he closed his eyes and immediately pictured Kelsey in a bathing suit, then in a Maternity dress, then with a beautiful black haired baby. His baby. He smiled contentedly.
Then suddenly, a gut wrenching feeling slammed him. What if this was the only child he ever fathered? How could he let her go so easily? Maybe he hadn't given this enough thought? At least he hadn't signed any papers. There was still time. He could still claim his child.
Sleep evaded him. He tossed and turned several times but couldn't sleep. It didn't matter if he cashed the check or not. He was still creating a child, his child, and leaving it. Was he truly no better than his own father? He sat up straight in bed, a light sweat trickling his forehead. The realization that he would never be there for the child hit him square in the face again. He had abandoned his own child. Just like that. How could he have been so blinded? Money would buy the kid security. What would the child think in years to come, though— that he'd abandoned her? God, he'd been so stupid. There is no security when you think you are unwanted, he knew that through Tony.
Worse still, the pictures of Kelsey danced in his mind, and not just her image, but thoughts of what he'd like to do with her slender body.
Okay, she wasn't a beauty, but something about the lady definitely attracted him. He didn't understand it.
Granted, she had beautiful eyes. But judging from her clothes she was too thin, and way too uptight about everything. Yet he couldn't stop thinking about her. Perhaps his mother had been right. Kelsey had a different kind of beauty, if one looked deep enough, a beauty of the soul.
Realizing he had no chance of sleeping, he smoked a cigarette. He let the smoke billow above his head and watched it shape itself. Cigarettes were a luxury Nick seldom allowed, but they usually smoothed out the day for him—except tonight. With the air so thick and the sweltering heat the cigarette wasn't working. He squashed it in the ashtray, watching the flames slowly fade away.
