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She stood up, paced the area in front of the fireplace, and then glanced at him again. Her expression changed, to one of pain and agony. Her eyes filled with emotion, her hands wouldn't be still. "I can't . . ."
"Yes you can," Nick said standing up and coming towards her. He took her by the shoulders, looked her in the eyes. "You're asking me to go against everything I believe in to have a child with you. All I'm asking—is why?"
A tear slipped down her cheek, and Nick still held her at bay.
"It never dawned on me I might be pregnant. I mean who'd have thought after a year of trying to have a child that I would suddenly conceive? And after I'd practically accused Ralph of being impotent. I'd given up. It was too late to make amends for the marriage. It was over and we both accepted it as adults."
"Go on, what about the baby?" Nick prodded, his hands tightening on her shoulders. Unable to look at Nick, she continued. "I moved, from Texas to New York. I set up my end of the business here. Alone. My family is in sheet metal it's been a booming business since the Second World War I've managed to expand it. I've been financially independent for several years."
"The baby—Kelsey. What happened to the baby?"
Her voice choked. Her shoulders slumped with resignation.
"You want everything, don't you Nick?" She cast a mournful glance.
"I want the truth."
"I-I lost it. No one knew about it, except Jackson. I was seven months pregnant. Everything was going fine—I thought," she choked, "b-but the baby was born dead, the cord was wrapped around…"
She stopped, unable to go on.
"My God—" Nick breathed heavier, throwing up a hand to stay her words. Feeling her pain, her agony. The bleakness in her voice ended his indecision; he wrapped his arms around her holding her, her head fit perfectly beneath his chin. Her sweet lilac perfume drifted upward. It was worse than he expected, much worse. Not only was she alone, but she had to face a death that was unbearable. How had she gone through such devastation?
"My parents never knew, and neither did Ralph. I wanted it that way. My life has been so incomplete ever since it happened. So void. I've felt such a failure."
"You faced all this alone?"
"Not totally." Her voice sounded muffled against his chest. "No. I had lots of friends. And Jackson."
"Jackson?" Nick wondered if he were the new man in her life, and lightened his hold of her. A stab of jealousy went clear to his toes.
"My secretary. Jackson was a godsend during that time. My only confidant."
A secretary, hell that would have been his last guess. Nick gathered her closer. He wished he could have been there for her, foolish though it was. He hadn't even known her then, hadn't shared anything with her. But this man Jackson had. "So why didn't you choose this Jackson as a sperm donor?"
Kelsey pulled away from his embrace. "I contemplated it. He's truly the most intelligent, well-bred and mannered man I know. But—I know this will sound strange, but—he's my friend. And believe it or not Nick, I'd never really had a friend before. I didn't want to ruin that. You see, had it not been for Jackson coming into my life when he did, this end of the company might not have survived. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite capable of taking care of the company today. But back then—it was debatable. I love him, and always will."
Nick looked puzzled. "So, because of Ralph, you're down on all men, except this Jackson, fella?"
"No. Not all men, thanks to Jackson. I just don't think I'm good at personal relationships. I'll be t
he first to admit it was as much my fault as Ralph's."
Nick nodded, feeling a surge of respect for Kelsey's honesty. "You're a very strong woman for admitting it. Most people never do. Mama says a mistake isn't as bad as it seems if you learn something from it."
"A very wise woman, your mother." Kelsey smiled and wiped her eyes. "I liked her from the first moment I met her."
Mama liked Kelsey too.
Silence filled the air between them. Kelsey turned away. Nick battled the urge to take her back into his arms.
"So the check upset you?" She asked not bothering to look at him again.
Nick nodded slowly, regrouping his thoughts. Hadn't he been angry when he arrived? "Yeah, it upset me."
"Why? I told you I would pay you well, and I meant it. I thought you knew and understood this whole arrangement, Nick. I told you I didn't take this lightly. I don't go around asking men to donate sperm every day."
Nick thought about that, and nodded again. He took another sip of coffee, and then put the cup down on the table. It rattled, and Dorothy came to pick up the dishes, her eyes straying to Nick more than once, and then left without a word.
