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“What have I done?” Lacing my fingers behind my neck, I growl, walking from the kitchen to the bathroom and turning on the shower.
Her scent is all over me, driving me crazy, and as much as I want to go to bed smelling like sex with her, I have to wash it off. I have to be better than this. My head has been so far up my ass with this girl, I never considered how damaging it might appear to an outsider. Now that’s all I can see, and it has my insides in knots.
Closing my eyes under the hot spray, my memory is relentless. Her number is on my phone, and I want to text her.
I want to be sure she got home safely.Of course, she did.
I want to know if she’s having trouble sleeping.It doesn’t matter.
I want to take back everything I said in my office.Don’t do it.
You want me to date someone my own age?Yes, that’s what I want.
It was a lie.
It’s for the best, but it’s going tokill me.
Shutting off the water, I quickly towel dry and pull on my boxer briefs. I’ve got to stop chasing her around in circles in my mind. I’ve got to focus on my work here and spend time with the faculty. It was my whole purpose for living on campus, to engage with my colleagues.
Climbing in my bed, I pull the blankets around me and pick up my dog-eared copy ofGoblet of Fire. It’s the original paperback Hutch took me to Barnes & Noble to get the day it was released. He took me right after school, and I was so excited. It was the biggest release of the series to date.
It was the biggest book I’d ever tried to read, and I remember holding it, thinking it was something amazing. Hutch didn’t understand why I liked to read these books so much. I couldn’t explain it, but being there with him meant so much to me.
Opening the book, our photo falls out, and I smile. Our mother took this picture. She was so happy to be with us, even if our father preferred to stay in New York. She moved us out of the city, all the way to Hamiltown, so we could have a different life, a small-town childhood.
She taught us to dance with her in the kitchen on Saturday nights, and she never missed a baseball game or a football game or a science fair or whatever the hell we did. What would she say about what I’m doing now?
Burying my head in my pillow, I can’t believe I can still smell Reanna all around me. It must be in my hair, but I don’t know how. I give up. Taking my phone off the side table, I stare at the screen for a long time.
Don’t do it. The things I said to her weren’t cruel, they were honest. She should be spending time with her peers. We shouldn’t be doing what we’ve been doing. We can’t be together.
Tapping quickly, I can’t stop myself. Despite it all, I care about her.I hope you’re able to sleep tonight.
I hit send before I have time to reconsider.
Several seconds pass, and the guilt of what I’ve done presses inside my temples. I should have said what I ought to say.I’m sorry.
Only, it’s a lie.
I’m not sorry at all.
The only thing that makes me sorry is the prospect I might never get to do it again.
“It’s sonice to have you join us for dinner.” Dr. Bowerman passes a dish of dark-brown roast to me, and his wife smiles from across the table.
“Emile has told me so much about you. He said your brother is Hutch Winston.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I smile, taking an appropriate serving of the meat before returning it to the center of the table.
Dr. Bowerman passes me a bowl of mashed potatoes as his wife continues. “He’s sheriff of Hamiltown?”
Exhaling a short chuckle, I shake my head. “No, ma’am. He owns a private investigation firm, which might be confused as a sheriff, but it’s not affiliated with law enforcement. It’s where I worked before I came here. Still do, actually, part time.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Mrs. Bowerman places a hand on her chest. “I don’t know how I got that all mixed up.”
“It’s easy to do.”
“I imagine in these small towns, one wears more than one hat on occasion.” Her husband grins, giving me a wink. “Sarah likes to keep up with all the local gossip.”
