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Meanwhile, Alden is wild. He charges through life with a laugh and a quick smile, as if the world is his giant playground. His friends are older, not even in high school anymore, but he’s popular at school too. All the girls chase after him.
I think Oliver sometimes sees himself as second best to his brother, but that isn’t true. They’re on different paths, that’s all. Oliver and I don’t hang out as much as we used to when we were little kids, but they still live across the street. We say hi and catch up here and there.
Alden is another story. I’m surprised the trellis still stands after all the times he’s scaled it to climb in my window at night. We lie in the darkness and talk until the early hours. Sometimes, we just sleep, cuddled together, careful to wake up in time for him to sneak back out.
The rumor about Oliver’s intentions proves to be true later that evening. I’m sitting in a lawn chair in the backyard, reading, when Oliver walks around the corner with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He’s gotten a haircut. It’s very short but it suits him. The same way Alden’s long locks match his personality.
“Hey,” I say, standing up and dreading the awkward moment that’s now on top of me.
He smiles, walks up and holds out the flowers to me. “These are for you.”
“Oh, thank you. What…why do I get these?” I stumble, taking the bouquet.
“Because you deserve them.” He looks me in the eye. “Because I like you and I’m tired of pretending I don’t. I’ve been crazy about you since seventh grade, Ella. Since we were kids. Will you go out with me? We could go out to dinner, a movie, whatever you’d like.”
Ugh I suck. He’s sweet and kind. But I can’t help that I don’t see him that way.
Oliver’s smile begins to falter as I hesitate and falls away completely when I start to speak. “Oliver, that’s so sweet, and I’m flattered. You’re an amazing guy but I can’t. I’m sorry. I don’t feel that way about you. I like you. You’re my friend, and I hope you always will be.”
“How do you know you couldn’t have feelings for me if you won’t give me a chance to take you out?”
There’s something edging into his voice. Not anger, exactly, but frustration. It reminds me of a child who is about to announce that it isn’t fair.
“I know how I feel. I’m sorry.”
His lips press together like he’s trying not to let his next words escape. “It’s Alden.” Despair leaks into his expression. “I never had a chance against him, did I?”
If this isn’t the time for truth, it never will be. I look into eyes too similar to the ones I dream about. “I’m sorry. No one did. I was ruined by his kiss when I was thirteen years old.”
“I know.” His next words come out in a mumble. “But sometimes hope holds us by the throat.”
“Oliver…” I’m not sure what to say.
His demeanor shifts and he stands up straight. “It’s okay.” He takes a few steps back and I think he’s going to leave, but he pauses to add. “I see him sneak over here at night sometimes.” His gaze lands on mine. “You aren’t the only one, you know. Whatever he tells you, he climbs through plenty of windows.”
His words hit their target, but I don’t give him the satisfaction of showing it. He’s hurt and angry. He wants me to feel like second best because he does. He wants me to feel like the spare. “What he tells me and what we do is none of your business. You should go now, Oliver. While we’re still friends. Before one of us says something that we’ll regret.”
He opens his mouth. Then closes it again. With a nod, he turns and walks away.
I’m sure Oliver thought it was some revelation that Alden sees other girls. Because he saw him sneak into my house, he’s assuming what most people probably would. That Alden and I are having sex.
That’s not the case.
We aren’t having sex or dating. No promises have been made. Alden comes to me because he needs me. Neither of us have ever said it, but I think we’ve both known since he took my hand in the rainy forest. What I don’t think he knows is that I need him too.
He’s the person I can’t wait to share good news with, and the one I want when I’m upset. I can tell him secrets and know they’ll never be repeated. He’s the only person I feel like I can be one hundred percent myself with and never be judged.
Mom does a double take when I walk into the kitchen, carrying the flowers. “Everything okay?”
Shaking my head, I hold out the flowers to her. “Will you do something with these? I don’t want them.”
Her eyebrows jump up. “Do you want to talk?”
“No, I’m fine. Oliver asked me out. I said no. I think he’s mad, but he’ll have to get over it. He wants me to feel things that I don’t.”
Mom nods and takes the flowers. “It’s always best to be honest about your feelings.”
We talk for a while and by the time I go to bed that night, I feel better. I’m sorry I hurt Oliver, but there was no help for it. What keeps haunting me are those words, “He climbs through plenty of windows.” Weeks can go by without a visit from Alden.
