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There’s something I need to ask that has eaten at me for too long. “The night we spent together before I moved, when I told you I loved you, and you said it back…did you mean it?” I stare into my drink, unable to face him. “Did you love me too?”
He reaches out and tips my chin up until I’m looking him in the eye. “Ella, I’ve loved you since we were kids. I wouldn’t know how to stop if I wanted to. That night meant everything to me.”
“Me too,” I whisper, remembering how sweet it was, how safe he made me feel when I was afraid.
He sighs and takes a drink. “It’s never been a lack of feelings that kept us apart, only circumstances.”
“Because I left for college? That’s normal, that’s what people do.”
“It wasn’t that. I’m sorry I used that against you when I was angry. Even if you’d stayed, we couldn’t have been together. I was into a lot of illegal shit, El. Stuff I didn’t want you to be around. I couldn’t put you at risk.”
“The fights and drugs?”
He shakes his head. “That made me a lot of money, about half of what I needed to buy Freddy’s share of the garage.” Guilt creases his face while he confesses. “The rest I borrowed from Manson.”
His words carry so much weight I’m tempted to look for them on the floor. He can’t be serious. “You got a loan from Manson?”
“Yes.”
My heart thumps against my ribs. Manson is well known, not only in our neighborhood but in the whole city. He’s infamous for having connections to gangs—and if you believe the rumors—the mob. Whether that’s true or not, one thing is certain, he’s a loan shark that you do not fuck with. Even his name comes from his reputation of being crazy, like Charles Manson.
“How much do you owe him?” My question comes out in a whisper.
“Nothing. That’s all in the past. I paid him off over a year ago. We shook hands, business done, and that’s the end of it. It went how I planned. I made enough money building and repairing bikes. It took me longer than I thought it would, but it’s over.”
“He could’ve killed you.” Alden was always a risk taker, but I never imagined he’d risk his life.
“Nah, then he’d never get his money back.”
“It’s not funny.”
“I know. Things seemed like they were finally starting to come together. Everything I’d worked for since I was fourteen and started selling weed. You were close to graduation, and I thought you’d be home by summer.”
“But I stayed. To be with Wilson.”
Alden nods and takes another drink. “I can’t tell you how many times I considered showing up at your door, but I knew I couldn’t. We hadn’t even spoken in years, and if you’d found someone, I had no right to cause trouble between you.” He grins, thinking back. “Tori told me the guy was a loser and that you’d be back. It was my turn to be patient.”
My mind spins with everything he’s just told me. “That doesn’t explain why you avoided me the past month. If Manson isn’t an issue anymore, and you’ve stopped all your illegal activities. We’re both single.”
The smile on his face is bitter. “Sometimes, I think the universe hates me, or maybe it’s smart enough to know I’m not worthy of you. Nothing can ever line up right. About five months ago, I started seeing this woman I met at a concert. We were only fucking. It was nothing serious—at least to me—but she got pregnant. She’s chosen to keep it and she swears it’s mine, even though she also admits sleeping with someone else at the time. And it could be. I always used condoms, but it could be mine.”
That he could have a baby on the way is the last thing I expected to hear. It settles heavily in my chest. Maybe I have no right to be jealous, but the thought of another woman having his child hurts like hell. “Do you…want it to be?”
“Fuck no. I barely know her. And she’s crazy. She showed up, trying to get me to agree to a relationship. I told her I wanted a DNA test once the baby is born, and she screamed so loud that the guys came running out of the shop thinking she was hurt. She’s not even halfway through the pregnancy. I don’t know what’s going to happen, how things are going to turn out. I can’t drag you into my bullshit, especially when she doesn’t seem particularly stable.”
He sighs, sitting back. “Life isn’t fucking fair, we all know that, but to have another thing happen to keep us apart right when you returned, and losing mom, fighting with Oliver over Dad. I felt like I was going crazy. I stepped away from everyone and everything but work.”
“Why come here tonight then, Alden? If nothing has changed?”
“Because I know I hurt you and you deserve to know why. And to apologize.”
He gazes at me while I try to process everything he’s just told me. It churns in my head, the stupid things he’s done, the risks he took, but in the end things worked out for him. He has his business and he never got caught or hurt.
The most stunning thing was to learn how he’s felt all this time when I assumed he had moved on from whatever feelings he had for me. He loved me. He still loves me.
One thing is clear.
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
