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My mind is churning, desperately searching to poke holes in his story. Not because I don’t want it to be true, but because I can’t bear the disappointment that will come with realizing it isn’t. I won’t survive Alden’s death a second time.
Things like this don’t happen. Even to twins, there’s no way that they were confused for each other and no one ever caught it.
Nothing that I come up with is helpful. They didn’t have their wallets or phones on them for identification. They’d been taken. Their clothes were cut away before we saw them, even underwear and socks. Alden’s head was covered in a bandage when I said goodbye to him. Oliver’s too, when we saw him after surgery, and his was shaved. There was no difference in the length of their hair for us to notice.
Could the hospital have mixed them up? If the paramedic misunderstood, and Alden was calling for his brother, not answering the question about his identity, could that really have happened?
He reaches and takes my hand while I stare at him, unable to form words, unable to think at all.
“I knew you’d come and find me here. It’s not the first time. It was raining the night that Dad left my family. I was so angry for what he was doing to Mom that I hit him. I couldn’t stand to go inside with Mom and Oliver, so I ran. I came here. You found me in the dark and sat in the rain with me. You held my hand. We went back to your house afterward. I wore your brother’s clothes, and we ate nachos. I fell asleep on your couch until Mom came to find me.”
My chest hurts. My head feels like a balloon that’s trying to float away.
He strokes his thumb over the back of my hand. “I don’t know what I said to you before you left for college. I can’t answer that question. I don’t remember everything. There are huge gaps, and I can’t choose what reveals itself. It's like looking into a shattered mirror. I can't see into the cracks that run through me, but I see us reflected in every shard. Every fragment of me loves you. I don't expect you to believe me right now, but I need you, Ella.” He brings our hands up and presses them to his chest while his pleading gaze fuses with mine. “I need you to leave your window unlocked for me.”
The words hit me like a sledgehammer, blowing everything apart.
Oliver wouldn’t know the phrase we’ve always used to say we’ll be there for each other. Why would he? It’s always been a promise whispered in the private dark. Not even Tori knows it.
He brought me to where we first held hands, where we first started, and recounted every detail of that night accurately.
“Den,” I whisper.
He brings his hands up to cup my jaw. “It’s me, El.”
There’s no air left to breathe. A whining buzz fills my ears. The white forest turns a gauzy gray, then darkens steadily to blackness.
CHAPTER8
The world returns to me in inches. The crunch of snow under boots. Warm arms supporting me, cold air on my cheeks. Movement. Something nips at my brain and curls around, trying to find a way to wriggle into my consciousness.
Alden! His name screams in my head, and I jerk awake.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you,” he murmurs, staring down at me.
As I look into those dark eyes, something clicks into place. A switch flips, and through all the grief and turmoil, I see him.
I seehim.
It’s in his eyes that hold so much. Concern, fear, sadness, love. They’re eyes I should’ve known from the very beginning. How could I not have seen it? How could I have missed that the boy who crawled through my window and into my heart was right in front of me all this time?
Every time I open my mouth, no sound will come out. I’m waiting to wake up. For this to be another of those dreams that fades while I’m in his arms, leaving me alone in my bed. But that doesn’t happen.
Alden is alive. Alive and holding me in his arms. Every prayer to gods I didn’t believe in has been answered.
“I’m going to put you down, okay?” he says, standing me on my feet. He’s carried me all the way back to my house. All I can do is look at him while he reaches into my pocket, grabs my keys and unlocks the door. Snow is falling hard again, and a flake dissolves against his bottom lip.
I can’t stop staring at his face.
I’ve spent months trying not to find Alden in every crease and smile. Now I know why it was so hard. Not because he looks or smells or talks like Alden.
Because he is Alden.
“All this time,” I whisper. It’s on repeat in my head and falls from my lips. “All this time.” I’m frozen in place, staring at him while he takes off my coat and hat, then strips his outerwear off as well.
He faces me and the shock fades enough for the reality to set in. “Den,” I sob, throwing myself into his arms. He scoops me up and hugs me so tight I can’t breathe.
“Ella, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
