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I refrain from pointing out it’s not the same, that I’m her mother. Then again, I wonder if Spencer saw through my lie when he questioned Ava’s paternity all those years ago and knows she was his.
“What I’m about to say may sound harsh, but you need to hear it.” I consider sitting for a moment, but that will imply comfort and nothing about this impending confrontation is comfortable. “I’m sorry, Spencer, but our relationship moving forward must be strictly platonic.”
His eyes widen in shock and his lips part as he takes a step toward me, but I hold up my hands to ward him off.
“I’ll understand if you want to leave and I’ll miss you, but this is my decision.”
He shakes his head. “Why? What’s changed?”
“Apart from the fact my daughter is dead, you mean?”
Sorrow darkens his eyes. “You can lean on me, you know. I’m grieving too.”
“This isn’t about my grief. It’s about me finally doing something on my own, standing on my own two feet, without needing anybody.”
His lips thin. “There’s a difference between independence and foolhardiness.” He points to himself. “Haven’t I always been here for you? Supported you?” His face flushes crimson. “Loved you?”
The burgeoning ache in my chest spreads until I can barely breathe. I hate having to hurt this amazing man. “You know I care for you. I always have.”
I pause and see the exact moment he realizes what I’m about to say, as bewilderment gives way to hurt. “But I don’t love you, Spencer, and it’s wrong of me to lead you on any longer. You deserve someone to give you the world and then some, but sadly, that someone isn’t me.”
To his credit, he doesn’t rant. He doesn’t accuse me of dragging out our relationship because it suited me. He doesn’t yell that I used him. He doesn’t say anything. But I see the devastation our break up has caused when he turns away, his back ramrod straight, before glancing over his shoulder, the depth of his pain piercing me to my core.
“You do what you want, Cora. You always have,” he says, his tone frigid. “But I’m not leaving, because this is the only home I’ve ever known, the only place I’ve ever belonged, and I’m not giving that up, no matter how much you want me to.”
“You don’t have to leave…” I trail off as he stalks out the door and slams it on his way out.
Chapter31
Lucy
My legs are rubbery as I sprint up the corridor past too many empty rooms. Craig and Demi’s room is at the opposite end to mine and I fall against their door and pound on it, too afraid to glance over my shoulder in case whatever is haunting my room has followed me. But at least that infernal moaning and pleas for help have stopped, though it has done little to calm my erratic heartbeat.
I continue banging at the door and when Craig opens it, I’m instantly relieved and embarrassed. He’s staring at me like I’ve lost my mind and I don’t blame him. He must think I’m crazy, pounding at his door in the middle of the night. I have no idea what time it is, but by his spiked hair and droopy eyes, he was fast asleep.
“Lucy? Is everything alright?”
I refrain from stating the obvious, that I wouldn’t be a quivering mess trying to break down his door during the night if I was fine.
“Sorry to wake you. But my room… I saw… and heard…” I’m stumbling over my words, but what can I say? That an inexplicable force possessing my room is trying to drive me mad with visions and pleas for help?
“Did you have a nightmare?”
I wish. Nightmares are banished as soon as you wake. What I saw and heard only started after I woke.
“I don’t know,” I murmur, embarrassment flushing my cheeks. “I keep hearing and seeing things, but I’m not asleep.”
His eyes are wide, his brows almost reaching his hairline. “This place is creepy, and I’m sorry if I freaked you out the other day by saying it feels like we’re being watched. You probably had a doozy of a nightmare and it resonated when you woke?”
Craig’s reaching for a logical explanation when there is none. Believe me, I’ve tried. In all my twenty-five years, I’ve never had a psychic experience. I felt nothing when I went on a ghost tour through Manhattan with other librarians. I love reading paranormal and horror, the creepier the better. But what’s happening to me here? It’s inexplicable.
“Lucy?” Demi appears by Craig’s side, sleep-tousled and rubbing her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I want to say ‘everything’ but I’m feeling increasingly foolish standing here in my pajamas, trying to explain what’s been happening to me since I set foot in Arcania.
“I’m okay,” I mumble, thankful that I’ve stopped shaking, but knowing I’ll have to head back to my room shortly and not looking forward to it one bit.
“Do you want to come in?” Demi nudges Craig with her elbow but he’s not budging. I don’t blame him for not wanting to let the crazy woman into their room.
