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Once I was dressed, I took half an hour to get my face in order then decided to put my hair into a high ponytail. Ready to face the day, I walked over to my double doors and opened them up, wondering which of my men were outside standing guard this time. They each took rotating shifts, so I never see the same man at the same time as before.
Peeking outside, I spotted Apollyon taking the morning shift this time. He’s shirtless as usual with his loose fitted black pants, but this time his hair was pulled back into a man bun which showed off his chiseled features and remarkably defined cheekbones. He turned to face me just as he heard the doors open and greeted me with a small grin and a slight dip of his head.
"Good morning," he said.
"Good morning. Feel like walking with me to breakfast?"
"Sure, but you know I could've had some food brought to your room if you were hungry."
"I know that, but I didn't want to spend all day locked up in my room. What am I, Cinderella?"
"Who?" Apollyon asked with a blank expression.
I gaped at him. "Cinderella. You know, the Disney princess with the fairy godmother, the pumpkin carriage, and the glass slippers?"
Apollyon still looked as if he were a deer caught in headlights. "Sorry, but I still don't know what you're talking about. I'm not like the others. I don't go to the human world for anything that doesn’t involve a mission."
"Really? Why not?" I asked, my brow creasing at that.
He shrugged like it was no big deal. "I never had a reason for it. This is my home and I have everything I could need here. I never felt compelled to socialize with humans. I'm honestly not that social with anybody. Not in a personal manner, anyway."
This was the first time I was hearing about this. I wondered why Apollyon seemed to have been the quiet one of the group, but I thought it was only for me. I didn't think he self-isolated himself from everyone. I motioned for him to follow me as I began walking down the corridor, making sure to avoid the few hobgoblins that were frolicking around. I tried talking to one of them about a week ago, but it gurgled something incoherently then scurried off.
Apollyon walked beside me with his hands stuffed in his pant pockets, his eyes straight ahead and his posture stiff.
He seemed to answer my questions easily enough, so I guess the best way to see what made him tick would be to initiate the conversations first."So, is there a reason you keep to yourself like this?"
"Not really. At least no major reason per se. It's more that I never really felt connected with anybody."
"How come?" I asked as we turned the corner and headed down the spiral staircase.
"It's hard to explain." Apollyon took a moment to find the right words to describe his feelings, and I waited patiently. "For some reason, I base my actions and reactions on how I'm feeling at that moment. If I feel a sense of danger, like that time at dinner, then I act accordingly without giving it a second thought."
"That makes sense," I said.
"So the same can be said on how I react with others. If I feel nothing around them, then I don't feel compelled to talk with them. Not unless I really need to. But if it's like with my legion where I sense a connection of brotherhood, or Lord Deimos where I feel loyalty, then those are the ones I latch onto."
The more he explained it, the easier it was to understand where his mindset was. He needed a connection in order to feel close to someone. His life seemed to be built around needing a sense of purpose. Things or people that he doesn't feel mentally in tuned with were discarded as afterthoughts. I could see how that could be a good thing, but from him explaining the complications he had about not feeling compelled to explore the human world or interacting with those outside of his legion or Deimos, I picked up on the negative side to it.
"Sounds lonely, to be honest," I admitted, hoping I didn't insult him.
"It is."
"Have you ever tried pushing to talk to those you don't feel connected to?"
His expression darkened at my question, making me think I said something wrong. I was about to tell him to forget it, but he spoke just as I opened my mouth.
"Once," he said. "I tried that one time with Solara."
"With Solara?" That was something I didn't see coming. Solara never mentioned anything about her and Apollyon.
"Yeah. When Solara first came to live in the Court of Wrath, she took an interest in me right away. I felt nothing for her, but at the time, I didn't have anybody to talk to. Many believe I was reincarnated without a heart. A soulless, emotionless void that walked and talked, but nothing else. I guess I felt the need to prove them wrong."
"Judging by that last statement, I'd say you already did." I pointed a finger at him and brought up a valid point to his attention. "If you were as emotionless as they claimed you to be, you wouldn't have felt compelled to prove them wrong."
"You got me there." Apollyon grinned at me. "But I still wanted to show that I could try to be more social. So, despite my lack of a connection to her, I approached Solara. We were exclusive for a time, but I could tell my lack of attention and intimacy was hurting her. Sex was nonexistent between us, and I struggled to stay interested in whatever she planned for us to do together. She knew I wasn't trying to hurt her on purpose, but that didn't make the guilt I felt go away, nor did it solve the fact that we were simply incompatible with each other."
I felt bad for both him and Solara. It sucked to want a relationship to work so badly, just for it to fall apart in the end. I was sure she appreciated that he tried for her at least. She didn't seem to hold any malice towards him. I hope that meant they were still friends at least.
