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After buying the underwear in both black and white, I spend my whole check from the coffee shop on clothes for my new job.
As I’m walking across the mall with about eight bags in my hands, I spot a familiar gait walking in front of me. Beau is crossing the aisle from the food court to the video game store. He’s with…a girl.
And try as I might to stop and turn the other way, he spots me. Then it becomes an awkward stare-off where we both wish we hadn’t just locked eyes. At this point, it would be too weird to turn around and avoid each other altogether. So I keep walking until we are standing just a foot apart.
“Beau, hi,” I stammer, readjusting the bags cutting off the circulation to my hands.
“Hey, Charlie,” he says very unenthusiastically. “Uh, this is Ella.”
I give her an awkward wave.
“You did some shopping,” he says, and I look down to notice the huge lingerie bag in front.
“Yeah, well, I got a new job,” I say proudly. You’re damn right I’m going to brag about it a little bit, even if I choose to omit where it is or who I’m working for.
“What is it?”
“Ummm…a secretary position,” I say.
He scoffs, a half-laugh, and I feel a cool breeze of disappointment trickle over me. Then he eyes the pink lingerie bag again, his eyebrows lifting. “You need something from that store for your new secretary job?”
“Nope. That’s just for me,” I reply.
The girl on his arm is looking very uncomfortable, but I don’t care. She probably doesn’t even know that Beau was mine last week. Or maybe she does.
“Hey, did you pick up that check from my dad?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I mutter quickly, searching his facial expression, as if he could somehow know from that little bit of information that I am also going to be his dad’s new secretary.
“Well?” he asks, looking at me like he’s waiting for something.
“Well, what?”
“Well, where’s my half?”
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
“Your dad has it, Beau. If you want it, then go get it.”
His jaw clenches as he glares at me, looking as if he’s already lost his patience, and I want to run. I hate the way Beau makes me feel, like I’ve already failed before I’ve even tried. Like I am nothing but a constant disappointment, regardless of whether or not I was even attempting to impress him.
Then, he grabs my arm and guides me to the side, so we’re out of the way of the mall’s foot traffic. “Charlie, you know I don’t talk to my dad. If you went and got the money from him, then where is mine?”
“He gave mehalfof the deposit, Beau. That’s what I was owed, so that’s what I took. You can be responsible for your own half.”
“Beau…” Ella calls for him from the middle of the wide aisle, but he just holds up a hand to her.
“Jesus, Charlie! You were supposed to take thewholecheck, so I could get mine. You just—ugh!”
It occurs to me about halfway through this sentence that I don’t have to stand around and listen to him anymore. I no longer belong to him and I don’t owe him anything. So before he even finishes what he was saying, I turn and walk away. I don’t cuss at him or tell him how little and stupid he makes me feel. But I do have to fight back the tears as I reach the exit of the mall, hearing him yell after me.
The minute I’m alone, I feel a little bit lighter. His voice is still in my head, though, constantly reminding me what a fuck-up I am.
RULE #7: DON’T STARE TOO LONG AT YOUR NEW SECRETARY’S CLEAVAGE.
Emerson
Iwas prepared for Charlotte to show up at my house in those same black boots I’ve seen her in twice now. I was prepared for her to be clumsy and nervous. I was even prepared for her to be late.
