Page 60 of Praise


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Her eyes track back and forth between Beau and me before she shakes her head. “No thanks.”

Regret hits me hard. Sophie is disappointed in me, and I hate it. She never liked Beau, so she’s certainly not going to be joining us for pizza.

“Come on, babe,” Beau says, draping an arm over my shoulder, and I can feel Sophie watching us as we disappear into the backyard, heading straight for the pool house. Everything in me is telling me to call this off, drive him home, and forget this ever happened. Beau clearly has expectations about tonight and I really don’t want to have to let him down. Because that isnothappening.

Two hours ago, I thought it was Emerson I’d be cozying up to.

When we get inside my small studio, I check my phone, looking for anything from Emerson, but there’s only silence. Beau drops onto my bed, and he seems in such a better mood than before that I almost feel bad that I have to break it to him that tonight is not going to end the way he wants.

“I’m going to change out of these clothes,” I tell him, walking toward the bathroom, but he snatches me by the hand before I can make it there.

“Charlie, wait.”

Suddenly, I’m on his lap. And I don’t say anything.Whydon’t I say anything?

“I didn’t want to be alone with you just for sex,” he says, and my eyes widen.

“Beau, we’re not—"

“I really do want another chance. I know I was a shitty boyfriend. I was just going through stuff with my dad.”

My shoulders soften, and sympathy floods my system.

“Why didn’t you ever confide in me?” I don’t bring up the cheating part because that’s where things get heated and it becomes impossible to get him to talk or open up about anything.

“I was embarrassed,” he replies gently. “I didn’t want you knowing my dad was a…freak.”

“He’s not a freak,” I bite back.

“He might as well be a porn star or a pimp, Charlie. His whole job revolves around sex and some really kinky shit. It’s not normal—"

“It is normal, though,” I argue, trying to get out of his arms, but he holds me tight. I hate that I’m not fighting harder. And it’s like he doesn’t even hear me, as he goes on and on about how terrible his dad is. Bile rises up my throat.

“And I thought that if he was some sex freak…maybe I was too. That’s why I…did what I did.”

My spine stiffens. “Are you serious right now?” I snap. “You’re going to blame your dad for you cheating on me? You letting some new girl at work give you a blow job in the break room was because yourdad owns a sex club?”

I see the argument building in him, but I feel so hot and angry right now, I could scream.

“I told you that was the biggest mistake of my life. I told you I was going through a lot, and—"

“Beau, we broke up for a reason. We weren’t right together…”

“Baby, I need you.” He squeezes me closer, nuzzling his face in my neck, and everything feels so wrong.Baby, I need you?Since when did he ever call me baby? And he certainly neverneededme.

This stops now. I finally push myself away from him to stand. He looks disappointed, furrowing his brow and pressing his lips into a tight line.

“You don’t need me, Beau. You need to grow up,” I argue. “Or maybe you just need someone to finally put you in your place because I’m not going back to the way things were.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about how you never once made me feel good about myself while we were together. You talk about how hard your life was…well, have you noticed mine?” I ask, waving my arms around.

“You’ve changed,” he says with a grimace, and I laugh.

“Yeah, I guess I did. Because if you think your dad is such a freak, then I am too.”

He stands in a rush with his eyes wide. “Charlie…” There’s a tone of warning in his voice. “Have you been to that club?”

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