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Paul is going to be okay. He had an abscess that ruptured and nearly led to sepsis. A side effect of the cancer and treatment, but luckily, not the return of another tumor. No more chemo. No more radiation. Just surgery and one hell of a scare.
They keep him back there for most of the day. I’m able to get Mia to calm down enough to sit in the waiting room and eat a little something, but she doesn’t leave my side and she never once lets me go. The entire time we’re in the waiting area, I notice my mother’s nervous eyes landing on us more than once.
She glances down at where our hands are linked or where I accidentally touch Mia’s bare leg. I keep correcting myself, but Mia is too stressed to care. She rests her hand on my shoulder or strokes my arm like no one is watching.
After an almost six-hour surgery, Paul is finally in recovery. When I take the girls in to see him, he’s just waking up. My mother runs to his side first, touching his arm delicately as she perches herself on the side of his bed.
Mia goes to the other side, finally letting me go for the first time today. I watch from the foot of his bed as he wakes up.
“We were so worried about you, Dad,” Mia cries, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks.
“Oh, Mia. I’m sorry. I’m okay,” he says in a raspy, pained tone.
“The doctor said you should be able to go home tomorrow,” my mother replies.
As I stand there and watch the three of them, both women fawning over him and him comforting them in return, my heart aches for something it’s never ached for before. Growing up, it was always just me and my mother, the best mother, really. She was devoted to me, and I never once felt alone or obligated to another person. But she loved me so selflessly that I never realized until just now that that love cost her something. She never remarried until I was older. Never dated. Never dared to want more.
And that entire time I was ignorant of what I was missing…or making her miss. A family. People on both sides of your hospital bed.
I’m glad she found Paul and Mia and finally has the family she always deserved. As if she can read my mind, my mother looks my way and reaches out a hand to me. I put my fingers in hers and the four of us sit here in comfortable silence, no one speaking or needing anything more than what we have in this space.
Mia glances my way for only a split second and the ache in my heart grows.
Fuck, I silently mumble.
Suddenly, I know what this ache is. I know what it is I want. And it’s not her body or sex. It’s knowing that one day when I’m in this hospital bed that she’ll be at my side. And she won’t be alone.
My hand slips from my mother’s as I mentally panic.
“I’m going to go grab some air. Paul, do you need anything?”
He shakes his head and I feel their three gazes on me as I quickly move toward the door. “I’ll be back.”
I can’t do this. I can’t keep going down this path, especially not with Mia. I’m not that guy. I’m not family-man material, and I never will be. Not only do I own a fucking sex club, but I’m not equipped to be supportive and confident the way Paul is. I’m a mess. I seem fine to Mia now, but at some point, she’s going to learn the truth and see me at my lowest. Then what?
It’s fine. She knows this is just sex. We’re not attached like that. Pretty soon, this will be a thing of the past and she’ll move on with someone better for her.
“Garrett,” she calls when I reach the hospital exit.
I spin and find her jogging my way. Regardless of the fact that her eyes are swollen from crying and there isn’t a shred of makeup on her face, she still looks ridiculously beautiful.
“Are you okay?” she asks. When she reaches me, her fingers glide across the skin of my forearms and I want to flinch from her touch.
“Yeah. I just needed air. Are you okay?”
“I am now,” she replies solemnly. “Your mom said we should go home and rest.”
“What about her?”
“She’s not leaving his side.” When her hands reach for me again, I let her wind them around my waist, pulling her body close.
This is the final surrender. I’ve realized my mistake too late. I can’t avoid where this thing is going with Mia. We’re already there. And I don’t hate it as much as I expected to.
* * *
We both desperately need showers, me more than her. So when we reach my place, I pull her into the master bathroom. I have a very solid plan for this girl. Shower, food, sleep. And that’s it. No sex. How very gentlemanly of me.
Turning the water on, I undress her first, which she lets me. I said no sex, but I can’t help but steal a quick kiss after tugging her shirt over her head. She’s already shampooing her hair when I climb in after her, and I’m finding it hard not to let my fingers graze over her soft, soapy flesh.
