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“I wouldn’t have guessed in a hundred years it was you, Garrett.” And there it is. Like a lightning strike, it hits with pinpoint precision, changing everything. There’s no point denying it now. When moms know, they just know.
“Mom—"
“Once I saw it, I felt like such a fool for not noticing sooner. I don’t think she even tried to hide it. I realized how natural you two look together.”
“Jesus,” I mutter as I drop my face into my hands.
“Oh relax,” she replies. “It’s not like she’s your actual sister. And you were already twenty-one by the time you met, so it’s not like you grew up with her around. I just thought…you didn’t like her.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to have this conversation,” I reply, not looking up from the floor.
“Well, you better get ready because I’m not going to lie for you. If Paul sees what I saw today, he’s going to know too.”
I glance up at him to see him still snoring peacefully. I feel like I’ve betrayed his trust somehow.
“Mia is so loyal, Garrett. To a fault. And she’s stubborn. I know she will stick by your side through anything, but I just need you to think carefully about this before you embark on something that could break this family.”
My head falls, staring at my clasped hands as her words settle in.
“I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Then, don’t. Be honest and up-front with her. But if you lead her on or lie to her, that will be on you. And she will never forgive you for it.” There’s that lightning strike again, this time getting me right where it hurts.
“Why do you assume I’ll hurt her? Do you have so little faith in me?”
“I know you, Garrett. I know you have your own battles and demons, and I’m telling you not to hide those things from her because she will weather any storm with you, but if you keep it hidden and deceive her, youwilllose her.”
It’s quiet as I run my fingers through my hair, remembering the conversation we had before I left. How good it felt with her in my arms this morning.
I gaze up into her eyes. “You’re not mad?”
“I’m not her father.” Her eyes skate over to the man sleeping between us. “If I were you, I’d come forward before he finds out like I did. He won’t like that.”
“We will,” I reply with a nod.
“Is it serious?” she asks, and I don’t answer right away. There’s very little I take seriously, and I honestly never thought Mia would be one of them.
“Yeah, I think it is.”
She inhales and lets it out in a big sigh. “It’ll take some getting used to. It is a little weird. But you two could be really good for each other. I’ve never seen you like that with anyone, the way you were with her today. She brings out something in you.”
“Like what?” I ask, glancing up into my mother’s eyes. There’s a slight tremor in my voice, smothered emotion threatening to leak out.
She swallows and stares at me as she answers, “Peace.”
Peace? That’s what my mother saw today while Mia sobbed hysterically into my chest and I was a sweaty, red, heaving mess.
Before I can even ask her to elaborate, she continues, “Sometimes I think I failed you, Garrett.”
My eyes dance up to her face in surprise. Like mothers often do, the emotion isn't stifled, but pools at the surface, spilling into her words and tears.
“Because I never understood you. I couldn’t help you. I just wanted to love you and give you all of my attention, hoping it was enough, but there always seemed to be a disconnect between us. I was afraid you’d feel that disconnect with everyone in your life.”
My mother hasneverspoken like this and never about this. We don’t talk about my issues. The conversation was always aboutmeandmybehavior and my problems, so that this illness and I were the same.
I didn’t just have a disease—Iwasthe disease. Or at least that’s how it felt, and I never realized that until this very moment when my mother is finally talking about the elephant that has been in the room with us my entire life. One big manic-depressive elephant.
I don’t speak. I don’t know what the fuck I would say if I could. But she continues, talking in a low whisper, so we don’t wake Paul.
