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Yeah, yeah, yeah…maybe this is a taste of my own medicine. How many people have I fucked and avoided? Never called them, although they gave me their number. Blatantly flirted withsomeone elsein front of them. Kept them waiting for a commitment I would never give them.
But I’m not just anybody to Hunter. I’m his best friend—which at this point sounds too trivial of a word for what we are. And what we did in the guest room that night was not a meaningless hookup. It can’t even be categorized as fucking, really. It was…God, I hate myself for admitting this, or even thinking it, but what we did that night…was making love.
I’ve never been so close to another person in my life and the sex we had was in another league—no, on another planet, and not even close to being the same thing I’ve done hundreds of times with countless strangers.
The only thing that could have made that night better would have been having Isabel there with us. Instead of lurking silently in the hallway, which is clearly where she was.
I’m washing my hands when Hunter inevitably walks in, like I knew he would. And just like I knew he would, he flips the lock on the public bathroom door, buying us at least a minute before someone starts banging to get in.
“That was uncomfortable…” he mumbles as he closes the distance between us. He reaches for me, but I pull away and his playful smile quickly fades. “What did I do?”
“How long are we going to do this, Hunter?”
“Do what?” he asks, which makes me even angrier. How dare he even act like that’s a question.
“This!” I snap. “This secret thing…this undefinable thing where we fuck each other and act like it’s nothing.”
“Oh, so you want to be done now? Then go ahead, Drake. Go pick up some chick at the bar, if that’s really what you want.”
My eyes roll as I turn away. “That’s not what I want.”
“Then what do you want?” he snaps, somehow taking the reins of this conversation as ifIowe him something.
“I want to talk about what happened the other night. I want you to admit that you’re bisexual and that you’re okay with that.”
He scoffs, looking offended, as if I just accused him of being exactly what he is.
“I want you to tell me what the hell is going on, Hunter. If you want me to be with only you and Isabel, I will.”
“Really? You’ll be exclusive? No other people?”
An annoyed huff slips through my lips. “Yeah, believe it or not, but I can stop being such a man whore for you.”
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes, you did, but it’s okay. Because for our entire lives, I’ve followed you. I’ve stayed by your side, never gaveanyonemore of my time because that’s what I wanted. So, now that you’ve really got me…allof me, what are you going to do?”
His nostrils flare as he stares at me, looking both nervous and frustrated, too many demons inside him to let him be.
“You realize this is more complicated than that, right, Drake? Isabel and I are married. It’s not like we can just…”
I laugh. “Just what? Start fucking your best friend and expect him to commit only to you, without anything in return.”
“Drake, stop.”
“No. This is fucking bullshit. I get it. You don’t want me screwing other people and screwing your wife at the same time, but that doesn’t mean I belong to you either.” My blood is boiling, and I feel ready to explode. I feel myself getting cornered in a scenario that leaves me feeling as if I’m somehow wrong for being angry in the first place.
“Then tell me what to do,” he says, looking like he might surrender. And for a moment, I start to feel bad for him, my broken, scared friend. When Hunter struggles, he fights. I know this about him, but right now, what I need him to fight for is me.
I don’t answer for a minute because…I shouldn’t have to tell him. Isabel is so much better at this than me. She knows exactly what to say and how to get him to meet her halfway, but I don’t.
“Tell me what to do, Drake,” he says a little louder this time.
Looking down, I let the realization wash over me. I could give Hunter exact instructions and put the words in his mouth for him, but then what? He’s not going to change if I do it for him.
I hate what this means. It fuckingkillsme. But Silla was right. Hunter is living behind a wall, one that keeps him safe without being vulnerable. And until he comes out from behind that wall, he’s never going to make room for me in his life. Not like that.
I’ve gone from being his best friend to his fuck buddy.
