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Because I do love Drake. Even if I can’t say it out loud yet. I love that man as much as I love my wife, and I should have been telling him that all along. Instead, I’ve held him prisoner to my love—but that ends now.
I don’t even know what time it is when they finally walk through the door, but I greet them in the living room with my bags packed. Isabel freezes on the doormat and stares at me with wide eyes when she notices the duffel bag at my feet.
Drake takes a moment longer to realize what’s going on.
My throat aches with the emotion I’ve spent so long stifling. But it’s one look at her face that finally makes it sting so bad, I nearly break.
“Where are you going?” she murmurs, tears already filling her beautiful green eyes.
All right. Here goes nothing.
“I’m going to stay at Maggie’s for a while. She has a guest room for me.”
Isabel’s face contorts into shock and confusion, those sweet freckles on her cheeks lost to the blush of anger. “What? Why?”
Drake stands stoically behind her, a vacant stare in his eyes as he waits for my answer.
“You told me to fix it,” I say to him. “And I realized that the only part that’s broken is me. I’m the one with shit to work through and demons to fight, and until I can do that, I can’t give either of you what you need from me.”
Isabel’s nostrils are flaring at me now as she fights the urge to cry. “So you’re just going to leave?”
“I don’t think I can do this while we’re together. I want you two to just be happy together, and give me the time I need to figure this out.”
“Are we…separating?” she asks with a whimper.
The fear in her voice guts me. “No, Red. We’re not separating. I’m coming back.”
“Fuck that,” Drake snaps, stepping farther into the house, starting to pace as he throws a finger in my direction. “This isn’t fixing it.”
“Yes, it is, Drake.”
“No, it’s not, dammit,” he barks. “You’re running away.”
“I’m running away? Tell me the truth,” I reply, glaring at him. “Were you thinking of leaving Salacious? Were you thinking of going to another club? Another state?”
When he doesn’t answer, it’s pretty obvious. Isabel replies with a gasp. “What?”
“Emerson told me you talked to him this morning. I bet Silla offered you a job in New Orleans. I know you better than you know yourself, Drake.”
“You’re leaving?” she whispers.
He shoots her a sympathetic expression, shoulders slumped and mouth turned down. “No. I’m not leaving.”
She lets it all go and lets out one gentle gasp before the anguish takes over and she begins to cry in earnest. Walking into the kitchen, she keeps her back to me as she sobs into her hands, and it hurts so much that I hate myself for all the damage I’ve done.
I can’t touch her. If I do, I’ll crumble. Right now, she needs me to be strong. “I’m doing this so I can be better for you. Both of you. I had no idea when I asked for what I did that it would come to this, but I can’t undo it and we can’t pretend it never happened. So either I can figure myself out and come back to give you both what you deserve, or we can keep going the way we are and you two end up being the ones hurt.”
She sobs again, grabbing a tissue from the counter and pressing it into her eyes. Drake is watching her, too, from the living room, and I give him one pleading glance. Which he immediately understands because, a moment later, he’s going to her. Placing a hand on her back, he comforts her. She doesn’t move into his arms or acknowledge him. She just cries.
“How long?” Drake asks.
“A couple months. Maggie said I could stay as long as I need to.”
Isabel cries louder.
There’s nothing else I can say. I’ve already said everything I need to, but now, I need to make good on my promise to fix this. Which means I need to leave.
Rule #34: When all you’re left with is memories, memories will do.
