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There were flowers there on the grave, about a week or so old, as far as I could tell. Shannon still lived in the area. She’d coped the opposite way I did. Whereas I’d detached, focused on nothing but my job and my crew, she’d jumped into another marriage, wasting no time at all getting pregnant again.
Good for her, I supposed. Not like we bothered staying in touch.
It’d been a long time since I’d come to Connor’s grave—too long. I stayed there for a time, kneeling down with my head hung low and my hand on the cold granite. I played memories in my mind, memories of Connor and I playing catch and making lunch and going to the movies, and all the other small but important things that made up a childhood.
I stayed there as long as I could stand, getting up and kissing the stone before telling him one more time that I loved him, that I always would, and that I’d see him again someday.
I drove home through my old neighborhood, the memories almost too much to bear. It hurt so much to visit Connor’s grave, but I knew how important it was to do it, the sight of his stone always helping to keep him fresh in my heart.
Thirty or so minutes later, I pulled the van to a stop in front of the townhome and headed in. When I entered the living room, only Vic was there, a book in her hands. I looked around.
“Where’s everyone?” I asked.
“Ajax is getting groceries. Kid’s taking a nap. Hud’s in the shower.”
“Stupid,” I said, shaking my head. “There needs to be someone with you at all times, even if they’re just on the same floor.”
Vic pursed her lips. “That was my fault. I wanted some alone time, and I asked if I could have a half-hour.”
She had a point. She did deserve some alone time. After all, we’d all had some during our time on the mission. “You’re right. You deserve some time to yourself. I’ll just head upstairs.”
“No.” She said the word quickly, without hesitation. “I want to know how your errand was.”
“Huh? It was fine.”
There was concern in her eyes, and I realized right away that she knew where I’d been.
“Shit. Did one of those idiots tell you?”
“I kinda forced it out of them. Sorry. You just seemed sooffwhen you were getting ready to leave and I wanted to know if anything was wrong.”
“Well, nothing’s wrong. I went to go see my kid.”
Truth was that the trip had left me so drained that all I wanted to do was sit. So, that’s what I did. I plopped onto the couch not too far from where Vic was seated. Out of the corner o2f my eye, I could see that she was regarding me with an expression of concern.
“You like tea?”
I snorted. “Rather have a beer.”
“Well, I made tea, peppermint tea. Let me make you a mug.”
“No, you don’t need to do that.”
It didn’t matter. She was already up and headed into the kitchen. Vic came back a few moments later with a big mug of steaming tea. She set it down on the coffee table across from me.
“I don’t know if you like milk, so I only put a little in. Trust me, it’s good. Whenever I’m feeling weird or off or sad, I always make myself a big mug of tea. I give myself that amount of time to think about it, and usually once I’m done with the tea, I feel a little better about whatever was bothering me.”
It seemed a little silly, and I sure as hell wasn’t a peppermint tea sort of guy. She was being kind, however, and I knew well enough to be respectful when someone was good enough to go out of their way to show you kindness.
I sipped the tea. To my surprise, it was pretty good. I’d been expecting something overly sweet, but it wasn’t at all. It was light and refreshing.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” she said. “I’ve never gone through a loss like that, but I know enough to understand that you don’t force someone to talk about a subject like that if they don’t want to.”
I sighed, setting down the mug. “No, it’s fine. You’re stuck with us, so you have a right to know a little about who we are. What did the guys tell you?”
“Just that you had a son and he passed away.”
“That’s about the long and short of it.” I shook my head, realizing how much I was glossing over. “It’s…hard to explain.”
