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“I’ll take some buffalo wings and an old fashioned,” I tell her. She writes it down and leaves our table as quickly as possible.
“Dude, you tapping that or something because I figured if you’re banging the chick, she’d be a little less skittish around you,” Maddox says. “Also, your drink and food combo is vile and I don’t understand how you eat those two together.” His gaze is focused on a blonde grinding against her friend on the small dance floor near the stage where they sometimes have live music, unlike tonight.
Something has crawled up Maddox’s ass because he’s being more of a dick lately.
“You want to cut the shit, man. Don’t know what is going on, but you are seriously starting to get on my last nerve. I’m not banging Blaire. I like her. And yeah, you can like a woman without fucking them,” I say harshly.
“Whatever.” He stands and heads toward the blonde and her friend. Both girls smile when he approaches and sandwiches himself between them, grinding his hips into the blonde as he snakes his arms around to rest on her hips. The friend runs her hand up and down Maddox’s sides and he throws his head back, resting it on her shoulder.
Something is going on with him. He’s drinking too much, sleeping around more than usual, and based on his carelessness in the locker room today, he’s getting sloppy around Coach. Whatever it is, he needs to get it together before our first game.
10
BLAIRE
After putting my orders in with the bartender and kitchen, I head to the bathroom to collect my thoughts and take a few deep breaths.
My heart is racing too fast, and I feel like I can’t catch my breath. Not because of being scared or nervous around Camden, but because of the way my body reacts to him being close to me like touching my hip the way he did. Something like that shouldn’t make me feel hot all over. I haven’t ever felt like that with a guy being close. Normally, I break out in a sweat and want to make a run for it. When Camden touched me, I wanted to lean into it.
For so long I have felt broken, unable to move past what happened to me when I was sixteen. Maybe this is what my therapist told me about. The moment I find my safety. The person who feels like home to me. She said I needed to trust my instincts when it came to meeting new people. I did it when I met Emree and got a best friend out of it.
I’m not sure if I feel safe around Camden, but after seeing his reaction when I told him about the guy groping Emree, I know he won’t hurt me. He was angry and at first it scared me until I realized he was angryforEmree and at the guy who touched her. His friend Maddox was kind of a jerk, but one of the other guys was at our study session earlier this week and seemed nice. Conrad and Emree have been seeing each other and he has been by the apartment occasionally to pick her up or hang out in her room. I haven’t spoken to him too much, but he seems nice, and Emree seems to like him a lot.
As I’m dragging a cold paper towel across my neck to cool myself off, two girls walk in. They’re giggling and leaning against each other and the blonde stops when she almost bumps into me. “Oops. Didn’t see you there,” she says, although she doesn’t sound the least bit sorry.
The blonde heads into one of the stalls while her friend fixes her makeup in the mirror beside me. “You are so lucky Maddox is into you tonight. I’d do anything to get his attention,” she says with a dreamy look in her eye.
“You could always go after one of his friends. You know how easy Levi and Conrad are. Camden is a little more difficult, especially with Chloe telling me he has turned her down twice this semester already.” At the mention of Camden, the hairs on my arms stand up.
Are they talking about…hooking up with him? The thought of him being with either of these girls weighs heavy in my stomach.
“That’s a damn shame,” says the friend beside me. “Chloe said he’s the roommate she really wants to hook up with and if the rumors are true, he’s a great lay.”
I’ve heard enough of this conversation. After tossing my paper towel in the trash can, I storm out of the bathroom a little too forcefully. As the door is closing, I hear “what the hell is her deal” from one of the girls in there.
What the hell is my deal?
As I approach the bar, I see Riggins, the bartender I gave the boys’ orders to, placing the last drink on my tray.
He smiles when he sees me. “Hey, I was just about to call a search party for you,” he jokes. Riggins is a nice guy. He is a little bit older than us and an almost giant with his tall height and large build. He said he graduated two years ago but decided to go after his master’s degree, so he has been bartending here for a while now. “Your drinks are all ready and the kitchen said the food should be out in a minute or so.” Someone from the other end of the bar calls his name and he winks at me, turning his attention to a new customer.
Balancing the glasses filled with liquid as best as I can on my tray, I head over to Camden’s table. The blonde from the bathroom has taken up residency on Maddox’s lap, whispering in his ear and nuzzling his neck. Her friend is doing everything to gain Camden’s attention, including pushing her impressive cleavage in his direction, but he isn’t giving her any of his time. His focus is solely on me as I walk across the bar.
I wonder what it would be like to be in the position of the blond woman on Maddox’s lap. To be so comfortable with a guy you barely know, one you aren’t even dating. To meet a guy and spend a nice night together. Maybe kiss or even let him take you home.
It isn’t like I haven’t thought about those things. I have, and sometimes I wish I were a different person and could be able to do that. The problem with traumatic events in our lives is that often they stick with us, lingering in the background. Everyone lets their trauma affect them differently. My trauma has left me with the inability to trust.
Camden helps me as I lower the tray to the table. I smile at him, silently thanking him because it was pretty heavy. As I pass out the drinks, I can’t help but notice that the blonde’s friend is staring at me like I kicked her dog. I try to ignore her, but it’s hard when she is so close.
Deciding to keep my attention on everyone besides her, I grab the tray and tuck it under my arm. “Your food should be out in a few minutes. Can I get anyone else anything?” I am really hoping they all say no.
“Actually,” the blond girl says, “I would very much appreciate a green apple martini. How about you, Stacy?” she asks her friend.
Taking a deep breath, I turn my attention to the woman who seems to not like me very much. She walks to Camden, dragging her manicured finger along his forearm, up to the spot where his button-up sleeve is rolled up. “How about sex on the beach? That sound good, Cam?” She runs her fingers through his hair, and I grip the tray under my arm.
He shakes her off, looking disgusted with her touch. “Get whatever the fuck you want, and my name isn’t Cam.” His tone is angry, and he moves away from her.
I turn and head toward the bar to order their drinks. I shouldn’t be happy with his reaction to her, but I can’t help it. I like that he didn’t want her attention but am confused by my reaction to her touching him.
