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Turning his head, he opens his eyes, and looking into those bright, green eyes makes everything feel like it will all be okay. “Morning, beautiful.” Leaning forward, he kisses me, and morning breath be damned, I kiss him back. Wrapping my arm around his waist, I lift myself up some to deepen the kiss.
He breaks away. “I know it’s a stupid question, but how are you?”
Smiling up at him, I lay my head back onto my pillow and rest my hand against his chest. “I need to tell you something.”
His body tenses.
“I just don’t know how.”
Rubbing my arm, he looks at me, worried. “Okay. Why don’t you take it one sentence at a time and tell me what you can.”
I think his patience with me is the first thing I fell in love with, and for good reason. Camden doesn’t push me as I sit here and think about how to tell him something I have only ever told one other person in the last four years.
Taking a deep breath, I go for it. “Last night wasn’t the first time.” The words come out hushed and when he doesn’t respond, I’m afraid he didn’t hear me.
After more than a minute goes by, he says something. “I’m sorry. First and foremost, I’m sorry it happened last night and I’m sorry for what happened in the past. No one should have to experience something like that.”
His words warm my heart because I know Camden is nothing like Harvey or the guy from last night. He would never hurt me, or any woman. While he has admitted to sleeping around, I can’t judge him for that when he was honest with the women he was with about the arrangement.
“When I was sixteen, I was r-raped.” Saying that word out loud is harder than I thought it would be. Even when I told Emree about it, I would always say ‘attacked’ or ‘assaulted.’ They sounded less…real. But I need Camden to know what I experienced to the full extent.
“Fuck,” he growls. His body beside mine tenses and the hand around me grips my shoulder, almost painfully. I let the honest bomb that I just dropped on him sink in. Hearing the girl he’s seeing say she was raped, especially after what happened last night, I’m sure causes a range of emotions in him.
Camden shoots up from the bed, leaving me cold without his body heat against me. He’s pacing at the foot, his hands clamped behind his neck. I’m not sure what to say right now and he hasn’t said anything besides whispering curse words. Maybe it was too much, too soon. We only just started seeing each other and something like this could change his mind about dating me.
Deciding it’s best to leave him to process this news, I climb out of the bed. “I’m sorry. I’ll just leave.”
Before I can make it to the door, Camden is in front of me. “Don’t. Do not ever say you’re sorry. Not for this.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a tight embrace. “I’m trying not to throw my fists into the walls right now and scare you,” he says against my ear. “Hearing my girlfriend was…raped, it makes me want to find the motherfucker and kill him, Blaire.”
To be honest, I have contemplated Harvey’s death in my head a time or two. “I thought you would see me differently. Not want to be with me after finding that out.”
Pulling back, he grasps my face in his large hands. “God, no. Never. Blaire, you are perfect. This doesn’t change how I feel about you or how I see you.” He kisses my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, and finally my lips. I feel cherished by him.
“I hated myself for so long after it happened. Like I did something wrong. It made me feel dirty and used,” I tell him honestly. Recalling how I felt walking home from that party, my dress ripped, my makeup smeared, my hair a nest of knots, and my eyes bloodshot from having cried so much. When my mother saw me, she was worried, but it all changed when I told her what happened.Whoit happened with.
Sitting on the bed, Camden brings me to stand between his legs and rests his head against my stomach. “I hate this for you. The thought that you went through this, at such a young age. Baby, what happened has no reflection on you. The guy who did it, he’s the one who is dirty. I hope he is rotting in prison right now.”
This is the hard part. When I told Emree that Harvey saw no jail time and wasn’t even served, she threw a pillow from our couch in anger and considered driving to Texas to find him.
“Unfortunately, no.”
His hands on the backs of my thighs freeze.
“His father is the police chief of our small town, and his mother is on the board of…well, everything there. His family runs that town, and my parents are close with them.” The fact that my parents chose their friends over their own daughter still hurts me. “My mother said maybe I was confused because it was my first time and said it would only hurt me in the long run if I told the police.”
Lifting his head, Camden looks into my eyes. “I hate your parents.”
I can’t help but let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m not too crazy about them either. I haven’t spoken to my parents since I left for college.” Leaning down, I kiss Camden softly on the lips. “I need you to not feel sorry for me. The last thing I want from anyone is pity, and that’s why the only other person who knows is Emree, and it took me a while to tell her.”
“Gray Eyes, I don’t pity you. I think you’re the strongest woman for going through what you went through and still being this beautiful, funny, smart person standing in front of me.”
Smiling, I caress his face. “Don’t think I was always those things. It took me a long time to overcome what I went through, and Emree has helped me so much this last year. I practically cut myself off from forming new friendships, any relationships, because of my trust issues. The guy who…raped me. He was a family friend. Someone I had known since we were kids. I trusted him and never thought he would do something like that to me, but he changed me that night.”
Standing, Camden frames my face in his large hands. “You have me. You have my trust. My heart. Everything. I would never do anything to hurt you, Blaire. I’m happy you found Emree and have been able to open up more. Getting to know you has been incredible and I’m glad you see me as someone you could give your trust to.”
“You have it. Wholly.”
He smiles, rubbing my cheeks with his thumbs. “Thank you, Gray Eyes.”
