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“Fuck yes, we did.” He laughed under his breath and unashamedly adjusted the bulge behind his zipper.
The sight of his arousal had her own body revving, a wave of want moving through her. She could step forward, put her hand where his had been, feel him, press against him. But then she met his stare, and now that they weren’t touching, all kinds of undefined emotion rushed in behind the arousal. She pressed her hand to her forehead and let out a breath.
His eyes narrowed. “You okay?”
She nodded.
“Nooo,” he said carefully. “A nod isn’t going to cut it, Sweets. You were good and then you weren’t. Your whole energy changed. What’s wrong?”
Her chest suddenly felt like she was wearing a corset. “Sorry. I’m fine. It’s not—I don’t know.”
He stepped closer again and put his hands on her shoulders, a soft press. “Look at me.”
She forced herself to meet his eyes.
“If you didn’t like it or are not into it, just tell me.” His voice was cool, calm water over smooth rocks. “You’re under no obligation to ever do that again.”
She bit her lips together, trying to absorb the calm in his tone, to not panic. “That’s not it. I liked it too much. This can’t be okay—or normal. I slept with your best friend two weeks ago. Now I’m kissing you and getting all—thinking things—and haven’t exactly worked through stuff with Auden. Isn’t that what breaks up friendships? What kind of person does that make me, that I’m like”—she lifted her arms out at her sides, searching for the right words—“making out with two different guys who are also best friends and liking it?”
He held the eye contact. “An open-minded and adventurous person? A person who’s been deprived of fun life experiences and is making up for lost time?”
“Lennox,” she protested. “You know that’s not what I mean.”
He lowered his hands to his sides and gave her a measured look. “You want me to say it’s slutty? Is that what you’re asking? You want me to shame you about it?”
The words burned her ears, but she didn’t deny them. She looked down at her feet.
Lennox sighed. “Look, O’ Neal, the only time I buy into shame is when someone gets off on it.”
Her attention snapped upward at that, confusion making her forehead scrunch.
“Yeah, that’s a thing,” he confirmed. “Some people like being told to do sexual things and then being told how dirty or slutty they are. It turns them on.”
Her lips parted, unable to hide her shock.
“It can be a fun game to play,but,” he said firmly, “I’m not going to stand here and let you feel shitty about enjoying kissing two different guys. You’re not committed to either of us. No promises have been made. You don’t owe either of us anything. You have the right and freedom to kiss whomever you want. Hell, you could fuck me on the couch in front of Auden tonight, and he wouldn’t have the right to say a damn thing about it. He bailed on you.”
She gasped.
“Don’t worry.” His tone softened. “That’s not what’s going to happen tonight, but if you don’t want to go through with this plan, you just have to say no. No harm, no foul.”
Her heart was hammering, and his words were running around her head like a dog chasing its tail. Was this really okay? So much of this new life was teasing out which were her own feelings and judgments and which were the ones that had been imposed upon her growing up.
Gut check: did she want to go to movie night with Lennox? Did she want to do that, knowing Auden would be there and this would be issuing some kind of challenge to confront what happened between them? Did she want to kiss Lennox again?
She took her time, taking a few breaths, and Lennox gave her space, not saying a word.
Finally, she put her hand out. “Let’s go watch a movie.”
Lennox smiled and took her hand. “You got it, Sweets.”
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
Lennox knew he was playing with fire as he drove O’Neal to the apartment. This wasn’t how he and Aud did things. They didn’t get sneaky. Everything was always up-front and out there on the table. But when Lennox had realized that Auden had just up and bailed on O’Neal, he’d seen red.
What the fuck had gotten into Auden? This was not the guy he knew. He and Auden, no matter who they got involved with, always took care of their partners. Clear discussion before, checking in during, and diligent aftercare. Both of them did everything possible to make whomever they’d been with feel good about what had happened.
If anything, Auden’s care and concern with O’Neal should’ve been over the top. She was a family friend of his, inexperienced, younger than him. That called for a whole different level of being there for someone afterward. But instead, Auden had lied to Lennox about his contact with O’Neal and had left her hanging out on a limb, wondering what the hell had happened.
