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“With their permission,” Lennox added, putting a gentle hand on her arm as if calming a skittish animal. “I know it’s hard to wrap your head around when you’re new to the concept, but some people get really, really turned on from a little pain—or a lot. We don’t do anything too intense in that area—not our kink.”
Lennox’s touch did soothe her some, though she had no idea why. She shook her head. “I don’t get how pain could be sexy in any way.”
“No?” Lennox reached out and brushed his knuckles along her cheek, his voice low and gentle like waves lapping against the lakeshore. “Imagine Auden pushing you to your knees, his fingers curling in your hair and tugging until it stung enough to tingle, to get your attention. And while he’s holding you like that, he unzips his pants, pulls out his cock, and tells you to suck him off like a good girl.”
“Len.Jesus.” Auden’s voice echoed in the quiet room, but the scene Lennox had painted had already splashed across her mental canvas.
She couldn’t unsee it. Or move. Heat blanketed her body, and she could almost feel tight, demanding fingers against her scalp. Her nipples instantly went sensitive against her bra, but her full-body reaction confused her. Why would she want to be handled like that—talked to like that?
“Wouldn’t that make someone feel degraded?”
She was proud she’d managed to get a question out and not sound as breathless and shocked as she felt.
“Sometimes,” Auden said. “Especially if I call them names while they’re doing it.”
She turned to look at him, frowning at the admission. “And you like making someone feel that way?”
There was grim satisfaction in his eyes now, like he’d accomplished what he’d wanted to. He’d scared her. “Yes. I like it a lot. Sometimes, if a woman cries while it’s happening, I get even harder.”
Her hands curled in her lap, the answer stunning her, the image she’d always had of good-natured, big brother next door Auden transforming into something else, something alien and unnerving.
“Oh.”
“And now you know why what happened between us can’t happen again,” he said, tone softening. “I want us to be friends. I want us to grab food together or watch movies. I have fun hanging out with you, and the night we had together was amazing and sexy. I feel privileged to have been your first. Even if I probably should want to undo that because it was selfish, I don’t want to take it back. But that’s where it needs to end. I can’t—won’t—drag you into something you have no business being a part of.”
“Unless you want to be,” said Len.
Irritation flared in Auden’s eyes. “What the hell, Len?Stop.”
“No, man,” Lennox said, his voice sharper than O’Neal had ever heard it. “You get to make the call on what you want to do, but you don’t get to tell her what business she can or can’t be a part of. Just because she’s inexperienced doesn’t exclude her from being kinky. It means she doesn’t know yet if she is or isn’t.”
He shifted on the couch like he was ready to jump up and go toe to toe with Auden.
“And I don’t appreciate you describing it to her like it’s this twisted, dirty thing,” he went on. “You’re basically setting her up to feel shitty or shameful about it if she does discover she’s into something that isn’t Main-Street-approved. Fuck that noise. She’s had enough people telling her to feel guilty or wrong about every little thing her whole life. If everyone’s consenting, there’s nothing wrong with what we do.”
Auden growled in frustration and stood. “You don’t get it. She—”
“Is right here,” O’Neal reminded him, angry at being discussed.
“Yes, you are,” Lennox said, standing as well, “and you don’t have to let him make this call for you.” He looked at her. “Tell him again how you felt when he touched you and I was in the car with you because I think he’s selectively chosen to forget.”
“Don’t put her on the spot,” Auden snapped.
“He’s not,” she said, her frustration giving her some confidence. “I already told you I was nervous but I thought it was exciting.”
“Beautiful,” Len said, pride in his voice. “And how do you feel knowing you’ve kissed both of us, that we’ve both seen you kiss the other one? That we both liked watching that happen?”
She ventured a quick look at Auden, feeling his presence like a weight against her skin. He was standing there, arms crossed, watching her closely, but his expression was unreadable. “I don’t know. But I liked kissing each of you.”
Lennox offered her a ghost of a smile. “You’re doing great, Sweets. Honesty will keep us out of trouble with this. Now,” he said, catching her eye. “I want you to look at Auden and without editing, tell him what you first felt when you imagined what I said—when you thought about him grabbing your hair, being a little rough, and putting you on your knees for him.”
She tensed, anxiety rippling over her skin.
He touched her knee, and she startled. “Easy,” he said. “There are no wrong answers. If the thought horrified you or scared you, you can tell him. If it did something else, you can tell him that too. I saw your face. I think I already know the answer, but it’s important for you to say it.”
His knowing tone had her wanting to cover her face with the couch cushion. It was one thing to admit she was attracted to both of them. It was an entirely different matter to confess how she’d felt when he’d said those words. Shecould notanswer this question. She’d die.
She shook her head.
