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“I know. I’m not doing it for the A. I think being here, starting college, has just made me miss her more—or at least the idea of having a mom.” She pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging them, wistfulness for what could never be moving through her. “Every time I hit a new milestone, I want to pick up the phone and call her, ask her all these questions.” She scoffed. “Which is an unrealistic thought anyway because I can’t imagine that if she were here, I’d really call and say, hey, Mom, so I slept with our neighbor’s son and then told him I loved him and then bailed…”
“Hold up,” Quyen said lifting a finger and making a screeching car brake sound. “You told Auden you loved him and didn’t tell me?”
O’Neal’s lips parted. “I—”
Quyen launched a pillow at her. “These are things you tell your favorite roommate. Oh my God!”
O’Neal batted the pillow away and laughed, the over-the-top reaction lightening her heavy mood a little. “I try not to advertise the most embarrassing moments of my life to anyone.”
Quyen was still wearing her shocked face. “Dude.Like, Iloveyou, love you? That was fast.” She winced. “Sorry. I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. Just…wow. Is that why you two stopped hanging out? Did he freak out and bolt?”
O’Neal sighed and grabbed a pillow to hug, unsure how much to tell Quyen but wishing she could say it all. “No, he didn’t bolt. I didn’t give him the chance. I basically said I love you and I have to break this off. So, technically, I was the bolt-er.”
“Why did you have to break it off?”
She ran her fingers along the pillow’s edge. “Because he doesn’t feel the same way. I knew that before I slept with him, and I don’t regret doing that. I just, I couldn’t let myself get in deeper than I already was. I have a lot of things I want to do here at school, and I don’t want to spend my time crying into my pillow because I went and got my heart broken. I didn’t come here for boys.”
Quyen stared at her in wonder. “Damn. I cannot believe my sweet, super-sheltered, couldn’t-be-alone-with-a-boy roommate not only got rid of her V-card before I did but also sent the guy packing afterward so she could focus on her own goals.” She pressed her hand to her chest. “That took a shit ton of confidence.”
O’Neal rolled her eyes. “Don’t be too impressed. This wasn’t confidence. This was reading the writing on the wall. Things with me and Auden were only going to end one way. Might as well get there by the quickest route. I’m sure he’s relieved he didn’t have to be the one to break it off.”
The words tasted sour on her tongue.
Her brow lifted. “You sure of that? He seemed pretty into you from what I saw. Maybe you brokehisheart.”
O’Neal huffed. “Not a chance.”
“Why not?”
She glanced toward the darkened window. “Because he didn’t put up a fight. And he hasn’t called. Or texted. Or anything at all.”
Everything had just…ended.
Maybe their friendship had too.
Maybe she’d ruined everything.
Quyen frowned and then swung her legs off the bed. “All right, enough homework and sad topics for the night. We need pizza and ice cream and a scary movie. Come on.”
O’Neal blinked. “Like now? We’re already in our pajamas.”
“There is never a bad time for pizza and ice cream.” Quyen slipped her Vans on, not bothering to change out of her unicorn pajama pants. “And the film club is doing a marathon of scary movies leading up to Halloween. Tonight isGremlinsso nothing too terrifying.”
O’Neal’s heart squeezed. Instinctually, she knew that Quyen wouldn’t be suggesting the movie if they were playing a slasher. Nothing that would remind her of murder or true crime. And she also heard the unsaid words in between the offer.I see you’re sadder than you’re letting on.I’ve got your back.
O’Neal had no idea how she’d gotten so lucky. She’d heard so many college roommate nightmare stories, but instead, she’d gotten Quyen. Her belief system had been turned on its head lately, but in that moment, she sent up a little thank you to whoever watched over her.
She got up from her bed and crossed the room to hug Quyen.
Quyen smiled. “What was that for?”
“I’m a newly converted hugger.”
“Excellent.” She hooked her arm with O’Neal’s. “Now, let’s go. On the way, I’m going to get real nosy about this whole virginity thing because if I hold in my questions for much longer, it’s going to kill me.”
O’Neal shook her head and laughed.
“No, I’m serious. You’re going to have to give me the unvarnished truth about this hymen situation—like on a scale of one to ten, one being having a bandage yanked off and ten being impaled on an iron fence, how much pain are we talking?”
