Memories of the day my life seemed to fall apart pound in my skull. The way I watched him drive away with his assurance we’d try the long-distance thing, then the phone call four weeks later telling me it was over.
Back then, I’d convinced myself his reasons for changing our plans to attend school together were because he was relieved that I wasn’t shackling him down anymore. My broken heart had been so certain he wanted to greet the great, big world a single man, and when we lost the pregnancy, it was his opportunity.
But now, I’m not so sure I had my facts straight. And I think I know who is behind it.
“What happened with Drake, Ryder?” My eyes narrow. “Something happened that pushed you away, and I deserve to know.”
He looks down. “Ava . . . his side needs to come from him, but I played a part. I shouldn’t have been so weak to just leave. If I could go back, I would’ve handled everything differently. We were so young; we’d dealt with something awful. My head was only focused on making your life better, and I . . . I started to believe I wasn’t going to be able to do that for you.”
I hold his stubbled cheek. “So . . . it mattered?”
Ryder lets out a rough breath and drops his forehead to mine. “All of itstillmatters.”
He kisses me again.
There is something greedy, almost desperate about the kiss. I don’t know what happened to pull Ryder away from me, but for now I plan to hold tightly to him.
Because he’s back.
The man I fell in love with so many years ago is back.
Ava
Ryder’s stubbledcheek brushes against mine; his feet are pointed the opposite direction where we’re sprawled out on his living room rug.
“Like it?” I ask.
His eyes open and he rolls his head so he’s looking at me. “It’s . . . different.”
The back of my hand swings up and smacks his chest. “It’s amazing, you big snob.”
“I’m a purist,” he says, looking up at the ceiling again and closing his eyes. “The classics are where it’s at.”
“And who determines the classics? You?”
“Yes.”
I press a wet kiss to his cheek. “You’re stuck in your ways, sir.Hamiltonis incredible.”
Ryder chuckles and brings one of his hands back to play with my hair. We fall into the same silence we’ve been in for the last thirty minutes as we share earbuds and listen to the full playlist. It’s new and the same all at once. We used to do things like this before, but it feels different this time. Almost deeper. Time apart shaped us in new ways, and now that we’ve clawed our way back to each other, the connection is almost indescribable.
I’m not sure how I lived without it, but I’m also not sure I’d change anything if the end result brought this same passion in my chest, the same furious beat of my heart every time this man looks my way.
Flutters and jitters and attraction were always there. I loved him as much as a teenage girl can love a teenage boy, but the feelings now are palpable, they’re deep, and made of iron. Like the heart has been to battle and back and knows the cost of letting go.
We’re cautious, even a week after our hot night in the field house, but there is a piece of me that feels complete now that Ryder is back in my life.
As though another half of me returned.
“Anyway,” I say after a song finishes playing. “This wasn’t here for your critique, it was purely for distraction purposes. Are you feeling better?”
Ryder lets out a long breath. “I am.”
He adjusts enough, so he can press a kiss to the top of my head, then curls up until he’s on his feet.
I hug my knees to my chest and grin. “You’ve got this.”
Ryder grabs his jacket, then mine. “Areyouready is the better question?”
