“I know.” He sniffs. “I’ve regretted what I did for years.Years.”
“And you’ve just held onto this.” I tighten my grip on his arm. “D, that sort of stuff eats you up.”
“Yeah, well, I deserve it.” He slumps in his chair, covering his face with his hands again. “I look at Charlie, and he thinks I’m the best guy in the universe. I’m not.”
“You were still a kid back then.”
“Eighteen, Ava; I knew right and wrong. I also knew what things to say to mess with Ryder. I knew exactly what would stick in his head and never let go. And I said them. I wanted him to go, to leave you alone because I’d convinced myself it would kill you if you left. I pushed away the only real friend—apart from you and Ronnie—I’ve ever had out of fear. That’s not something people want to go around sharing.”
“I don’t understand why you’re still so mad at him then.”
“I’m not mad at him, more myself, but seeing him is a reminder of how badly I screwed up. I told you I tried to reach out to him.” Drake pauses. “I wanted him in my wedding. Remember how I didn’t make Ronnie’s brother my Best Man, ever wonder why? It belonged to Ryder. I hoped he’d show. To the last minute, I hoped.”
Drake lets his head fall onto his hands. He still talks, but he was never one who showed his emotions easily. I rest a palm on the back of his head as we spend the next half hour talking about the past, how Drake realized the damage done, how he muted feelings about losing Ryder’s friendship all the while tracking his career in the shadows.
It’s a heartbreaking tale.
What might’ve been crosses my mind more than once. The thing is, there were traumas in all our lives, and they reared their ugly heads in those few months all those years ago.
“I hope you guys find a way back to each other,” I say softly when silence stretches on too long.
Drake’s eyes are red and wet. He nods and studies the table again. “I’m happy you’re together again. Really. And I’ll always be sorry for pushing you two apart.”
“I appreciate the apology,” I say. “But Ryder could’ve talked with me, and I could’ve chased after him. We all had lessons to learn and dealt with things in our own ways. I still love you, idiot that you are.”
He laughs and grabs my hand, squeezing my fingers.
We go forward from here. I’m not going to demand two grown men make amends. I hope they will, because it’ll make for awkward family dinners if they don’t since I’m not letting either one of them go.
We go forward. No more looking back.
Ryder
The next day,the only thing I’ve heard from Ava is she is ditching me since she has a date with our moms. Not a word about anything related to Drake. The way she looked ready to murder him, I thought they might’ve hashed it out.
I want to ask, but hold back.
The problem with her impromptu dinner date is for the first time in . . . forever, I don’t want to be alone.
Griffin sounds like he’s going to burst into tears when I call him first, but they had plans with Wren’s brothers. Seriously, I think he wanted to cry and made me promise we could have a raincheck.
Parker and Skye took Ever to her first Perfectly Broken holiday concert in Arizona. So, they’re out. He sent me a picture of the baby beaming at a stage coated in brilliant lights. Parker insists in the text that she’s squealing for Bridger, and I don’t have the heart to tell him she probably is more fascinated with the lights and can’t recognize her uncle with all his eyeliner and stage makeup.
Dax isn’t answering. Not a surprise.
Alone, I go to the field house. The interior is painted, carpet is installed. The bones are done, now Ava is working on the aesthetic look of the place.
I smile at the cool pillows she picked for the black couches in the first lounge room. Tempered glass desks are waiting to be set up so kids who want to focus on schoolwork or the arts can take a breather from the athletics. Impressive black canvases with anatomy graphs of different sporting balls lean against the wall in the dining area, waiting to be hung.
She’s taken the ideas I had first imagined for this place and made it into something stunning. Kids will have a safe place to find unity and teammates and support.
A bloom of pride swells in my chest.
I can’t wait for her family to see the work she’s done. Charlie will never want to leave when he sees the rack of neon footballs.
Thoughts of Charlie bring me to thoughts of Drake.
Slowly, I slide down one of the walls until I’m sitting on the floor. From my pocket, I take out my phone and pull up my unheard voicemails before I can reconsider, but when it comes to clicking on the first one, I hesitate.
