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“I can’t.”
I pause, certain I’ve misheard. “This is it, Ada,” I say slowly. “This is the moment we’ve been waiting for, for fourteen fucking years…”
“Four days,” she repeats, pulling her knees up to her chest with a wince and wrapping her arms around them. “You need to help the cartel rescue the women. I’ll keep the spotlight on me as much as I can.”
“Are you insane? These sharks aren’t just circling you anymore—”
“Then let them come at me with their teeth. I’m not scared. There’s nothing they can do to me that they haven’t already done. This isn’t just about us. Can’t you see? It’s about Alex, Roisin, and every other woman and child that the Red Compass has and will destroy. The other night you told me how you’d felt every kick, punch, and bad word I’d suffered from them. If we go now,if we miss this opportunity to stop them, then all I’ll feel for the rest of my life is the pain of a thousand strangers.”
“I can’t keep you safe.” My grip on this situation is slipping. She’s made up her mind and there’s nothing I can say or do to change it. “I can’t be here twenty-four-seven to protect you.”
“Then give me a knife and a gun so I can protect myself.
I stare at her. Needing her. Torn apart by her. Seeing the queen I just touted her as ascending to her throne.
“You’re killing me, Ada,” I say with a groan, yanking her to her knees and pulling her into my arms again.
“How will you get out?” she says shakily.
“Same way I came in.” I catch her face between my hands. “Love isn’t enough for what I feel for you. It’s a poor imitator…a hoax. You can’t label hope and salvation, grit, and perfection. Just know that when they cut me open, it’s you that I’ll bleed. We’re one and the same, but we’re more than a circle, more than a Catch-22. We’re the whole fucking universe now.”
“No regrets,” she says, choking on the words.
“No regrets,” I echo, fiercely.
Once dressed, I go to pick up my gun from the mattress. She blushes and averts her eyes, but I catch her chin between my thumb and fingers, forcing her to look at me. “Thatparticular memory will make it so much sweeter. I might even share it when they’re dying at my feet.”
“I want them to suffer.”
Fuck, I love her fearlessness too. She’s light for me and dark for them.
“Not as much as I want tomakethem suffer.”Removing my spare Beretta from my ankle holster, I place it on her bedside table next to my knife. “It’s fully loaded. Do you know how to use it?”
“I fire one every night in my dreams.”
I force a smile and lean in to kiss her again. “Just point and squeeze the trigger. Let justice do the rest.”
“Did you get my letter?”
I freeze, our mouths inches apart. “What letter?”
“A young girl called Bambi came to see me yesterday. She snuck in like she was one of my students. When she slipped up and revealed who she was, I sent her away as fast as I could.” Her face pales. “Did she not make it back to you?”
“No, I saw her last night, I—”Sliding my hand into my jacket pocket, I pull out the piece of paper she’d pushed into my chest. “This is from you?”
“It’s about Roisin O’Sullivan. She tried to kill herself. She’s at a hospital on Fulham Road. It would be so easy for you to—”
“Jesus, Ada…” I reel away from her in frustration. She’s asking for the impossible.She won’t leave her place in hell, but she wants me to give O’Sullivan’s wife a free pass.
“She helped me when Alex was born. I’d been in labour for days, but Kirill didn’t want to know about it. Up until then I thought she hated me, but it’smoments, Frankie…moments that define us, or end us. She chose to take ours and make it count. She begged and begged for them to take me to a hospital, and they beat her because of it, but she didn’t stop until I was in that ambulance. We couldn’t save Alex, but we can save her.”
“Can’t do it, Ada. Can’t risk that spotlight swinging.”I can’t risk you.
“Then make sure she’s okay. Give her something that feels like hope.”
* * *
Ada’s sour-faced housekeeper,Valeriya, is waiting for me in the hallway outside the kitchen. She nods to acknowledge my presence, but she doesn’t look at me once. She just presses her finger to her lips like I’m a fucking riot and beckons me to follow.
