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She turns and flees in fright as I drop to the floor beside Ella and pull her into my lap—holding her close to my chest and trying to absorb as much of her agony as I can. I’d take it all if I could, every last jagged piece, until I’m the broken shell not her. At the same time, I can feel her fingers twisting knots into the back of my T-shirt as we cling to each other, with me silently praying to a God I’ve never believed in until now.
“My past did this to you,Mi Cielo,” I whisper as heavy footsteps sound on the staircase. I know she can’t hear me. She’s locked in a world of agony, but I say them to her anyway, over and over, like an endless confession. “We watched her burn. We killed the curse. I don’t understand how—”
“Make it stop,” she whimpers, twisting violently as another wave of torture ripples through her body. “Please, please, make it stop. Everything hurts so much.”
“I will, but I need you to be strong first.” My voice breaks as I stroke the damp tendrils of hair away from her wet cheeks as gently as I can. “Say you’ll do that for me,Bonita?”
She sobs in response, shuddering and gasping, as those heavy footsteps finally reach the hallway outside her bedroom door.
“I have to go away,” I tell her. “Far, far away where I can’t hurt you anymore, but I’m going to find a way to fix this. Do you hear? I won’t fucking rest until your shine is bright and beautiful again.”She moans, her eyelids flickering, and I can tell she’s slipping in and out of consciousness. “I should have kept running. I should never have—” My voice breaks again as my guilt closes in on me. “Ella? Ella, wake up!”
What did that old bitch do to you?
A beat later, the bathroom door is caving in behind us, and I’m punching my one-way ticket straight to hell.
PARTII
THE KISS
4
ELLA
Past
Ella, 17, Edier, 23,
“Have you taken your Plaquenil?”
“Yep.”
“And your Baclofen? You know you need to space those suckers apart, otherwise the side effects make you act likePapáafter two bottles of bourbon. Like you did that time in—”
“I know, I know, I was there too, remember?”
I keep my back turned so Thalia can’t see how tightly I’m gripping the drapes. Still, there’s no disguising the sigh in my voice.
Climbing off the bed, she slides her arms around my waist and rests her chin on my shoulder. “You know it’s only because I love you, dork face.”
“Cute, and yes I do.”
“That, and the fact I need you to stick around and act as mediator when I’m older. I’m determined to marry someone unsuitable.” She giggles knowingly. “Sam saysPapá’sbought an extra special gun for the occasion.”
I smile and lean back into her warmth, wrapping her strength and vitality around me like an extra pair of arms. Once the lupus flares subside, the muscle aches are more manageable, but the tiredness never fully goes away.
“You know you’re talking about the entire male population, don’t you?Papáwill never be truly happy until we join a nunnery.”
“And swear a vow of eternal abstinence.”
“Do you think he’s bought me a purity ring for my birthday?”
“Even better, a chastity belt.” Thalia spins me around to tease me with glittering blue eyes. They’re the same shade of mine, but hers don’t dull with pain on the turn of a dime.“You could have it accessorized with diamonds and rubies, and…” Her gaze trails across the room. “You could do the same to all those script boxes in your bathroom. All that white issoJohn Lennon Peace Out Dirty Bedsheet Seventies.”
And just like that, the fun moment curdles.
“That reminds me, have you taken your Mobic and Prednisone?”
I squeeze her hand to show her that I love her, and that I appreciate her, but thatthe burden of her constant concern, and the constant concern of the rest of our family, crushes me more than my health sometimes.
